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Life Arts    H3'ed 3/16/18

President Trump Threatens to Raise Tariffs on Fish Unless China Agrees To Import Gefilte Fish (A Satire)

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It's well known that Jews love Chinese food. For many decades it has been a ritual for Jewish families to feast on Chinese cuisine on Sundays.

While Orthodox Jews who follow the Kosher laws are not happy with this practice, some have become more tolerant after a biblical scholar recently reported that a just discovered lost passage in Deuteronomy, the book of the Torah that details the do's and don'ts of Judaism, mandates the practice.

The lost passage, he said, states: "nokh Shabbos (on Sunday after the Sabbath) every Jew should eat a Chinese meal."

Unfortunately, he added, the rationale part of the passage was missing and the remaining fragment was illegible. Scholars, he said, are working with X-ray and other advanced technologies in an attempt to retrieve more details.

Meanwhile, Jared Kushner, a practicing Jew, questioned the authenticity of the document and still stands firmly opposed to the Chinese food ritual.

Furthermore, while he was studying the trade imbalance with China in preparation for the President's planned trade war, Jared made an interesting finding. While American Jews consume vast amounts of Chinese food, no Chinese person has ever been known to stop a Jew on the street of a Jewish neighborhood with the question: Where can I get a good piece of gefilte fish around here?

Thus, Jared has advised President Trump to raise tariffs on Chinese fish imports. President Trump agreed but said that he would give the Chinese an opportunity to reciprocate in trade.

At a planned dinner with Chinese President Xi Jinping he will instruct White House chefs, supervised by the chief chef at Katz's delicatessen in lower Manhattan, to prepare a main dish of sumptuous gefilte fish.

If President Jinping then agrees to import gefilte fish and make it a national dish of China, President Trump will relax the trade sanction.

(Article changed on March 16, 2018 at 21:30)

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Bernard Starr, PhD, is author of The Crucifixion of Truth, a drama set in 16th century Italy and Spain. Starr is a psychologist, journalist, and professor emeritus at CUNY, Brooklyn College. At Brooklyn College Starr taught developmental (more...)

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