Article: President Obama bows to GOP protests, excludes them.

Houston Peculiar-Observer
8/17/09

In a surprising turn of events, President Obama has changed the scope of Healthcare Reform, again.
In a statement to the ghost of Molly Ivins, who is currently haunting the Whitehouse, he said, "..I have listened carefully to the representatives of insurance companies and the GOP, and I'm perfectly willing to accede to their protests and demands. I will endorse legislation that will exclude them from new regulations providing healthcare to the American People. With our majority in Congress, we will pass reforms that allow Democrats to participate in universal, single-payer, government-paid, 100% free healthcare for Democrats only..."
He also approved a bill that would remove taxpayer-funded health insurance from all members of Congress, except Ted Kennedy. Commenting on the move, he said, "..It is neither just nor fair that the American people should pay for others to have coverage they, themselves, cannot have.."
A GOP spokesman was apparently stricken with apoplectic astonishment and was unable to comment. He was taken to "C" street, to meet with his Argentinian paramour, a high-school boy, who applied consolation and Paxil. In response to Peculiar-Observer questions, he admitted buying the Paxil from Rush Limbaugh's pharmacist, for cash. He commented, "Free enterprise and the pursuit of happiness are what America's all about."