Nuts abound this time of year, enough to fulfill the nation's fruitcake requirements for the following 40 years. Wingnut wannabe Congressman David Hedrick, the Teabagger freak who scared even his own Tetley-soaked compadres with his outrageous tirades, has now written a children's holiday book aimed at saving Christmas from President Obama. Hendrick's acceptability as a mainstream youth author is significantly compromised at the moment as he is facing trial for assaulting his wife. Samuel Clements is probably a safer bet for Yuletide reading this year, Truthseekers. Stick to the classics, avoid the violent psychopaths.
Wait, it gets better.
Billboards have popped up all over Nashville with a particularly unique (if not original) holiday message urging citizens to get rapture-ready in preparation for the return of The Messiah. The giant ads in the sky are not heralding the annual celebration of the birth of the Baby Jesus, but the full-on End of Days Armageddon. The good news is Nashvillians still have until May to get spruced up for Christ. Whew! There's time to lose those pesky holiday pounds to look svelte and sexy in your NEW, permanent heavenly body after the old one on Earth is destroyed in the eternal flames of hell and lake of brimstone when the war-to-end-all-wars forever turns the skies to sackcloth. God is good.
And did you see this one? Anderson Cooper caught a Big Texas-sized local Congressional Wingnut birther who still maintains President Obama is illegally occupying the Oval Office because he is not a natural born citizen. Most frighteningly, Rep. Leo Berman was elected by otherwise presumably sane people. (shudder)
And then there's the curious case of Tea Party Nation leader Judson Phillips, who wants to return to those halcyon days of yesteryear when only landowners could vote. This is from his recent radio show:
"The Founding Fathers originally said, they put certain restrictions on who got the right to vote. It wasn't you were just a citizen and you automatically got to vote. Some of the restrictions, you know, you obviously would not think about today. But one of them was you had to be a property owner. And that makes a lot of sense, because if you're a property owner you actually have a vested stake in the community. And if you're not a property owner, you know, I'm sorry but property owners have a little bit more of a vested stake in the community than non-property owners do."
The Founding Fathers also supported slavery, didn't they, Judson? Perhaps you can wax nostalgic about that topic on your next radio program.
Break out your holiday nutcrackers, Truthseekers! Pass the Planters, it's going to be a wild holiday ride!