Source: Mike Malloy
Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims is sure to be a huge hitâ¦ in certain bubbles. Rushâs alter super-ego continues to review and rewrite history for profit.
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Time-traveling horses. A psychic Native American girl named "Freedom." Rush Limbaugh invited to the first Thanksgiving by none other than William Bradford himself.
Yes, Rush "Deaf by Temptation" Limbaugh has written a children's book, titled Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims: Time Travel Adventures with Exceptional Americans. A fitting title for a man with Exceptional Narcissism. In his latest egomaniacal exercise, the oxy-moron cast himself as "Rush Revere" and travels back in time on a magic horse named Liberty to warn the Pilgrims about the dangers of communism.
"The Reds are coming, the REDS ARE COMING!!!!"
No, he didn't actually scream this to the first families -- or to be correct -- the white male landowners of the first colony. But his time-traveling, talking horse Liberty did have this exchange with William Bradford about his plan (egad!) to create a fair and equal society:
"William [Bradford] pointed to the frame on the ground and said, 'This will be the Common House. It is one of the first buildings. It belongs to everyone. We've agreed to set aside our want of personal property or personal gain and instead create a community where the houses and buildings and profits belong to everyone. We are trying to create a fair and equal society.'
"Liberty [the horse] interrupted: 'Well, if they think they're going to use me they better think again. I'm not another man's property. I mean, I used to be but that was in the eighteenth century and just because we're in the seventeenth century doesn't mean I'm going to give up my twenty-first century freedoms.'
"Liberty's mouth was so close to my face that his whiskers tickled my ear. I [Rush Revere] whispered back, 'Nobody is going to use you. They might as well try to tame a thousand wild horses with nothing but a whistle.'"
Did they have Oxycontin back then, or just opium?
Rush Revere's talking horse ain't going to pull no plow to build no Common (communist) House. No Sir! The plot, such as it is, is based on the skewed Thanksgiving story El Rushbo bestows on his faithful, brain-dead Dittoheads each Fall. You see, the poor misguided Pilgrims ultimately rejected communal living after the first feast with the Native Americans. So the true tale of Thanksgiving is about the failure of Socialism. Not about giving Thanks for allowing the colony to survive (and thanks to the Natives who made their survival possible). Nope. It was about the victory of Capitalism.
Fortunately, our tots are spared screeds about Magic Negros or "feminatzis" and no one is labeled a slut. Not even that seductress Pocahontas. Maybe he's saving that for his re-write of The Scarlet Letter, where Rush Revere saves humanity -- and the Big Pharma Biz -- from Sandra Fluke.
Can you imagine the audio version of this tome? What parent doesn't want to tuck their little one to bed and turn on a soothing bedtime reading of El Rushbo's revisionist history.
Funny, "Rush Revere" didn't have a cyst on his butt that prevented him from fighting in the Revolutionary War.
But wait, there's more! Rush Revere and the Brave Patriots is coming soon. Maybe Glenn Beck can make a cameo as Thomas Jefferson.
And when is Michele Bachmann's kiddie lit book coming out? The one about the Founding Fathers' tireless battle against slavery and the historic battles of Lexington and Concord that began the Revolutionary War ... in New Hampshire.