Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity. The title "Macho Man's Bible" was nixed because it conjured up images of The Village People.
Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level. That depends, however, on where and when you went to school. Have you tried to read the signs at Tea Parties? And they use that crappy "burnt umber" color.
Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots"; using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census. And what about Stoli instead of wine?
Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil. This one is certainly debatable: is the concept of Hell logical? I mean, wasn't Dante on mushrooms when he wrote about The Inferno?
Express Free Market Parables: explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning. So Jesus trashed the money-changers because they weren't charging enough?
Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story. Boy, is Mel Gibson gonna be pissed! And think of all those Magdalene Laundries and awful wayward girls toiling away on a bogus passage!
Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels. It's a MIRACLE! Conservatives acknowledging open-mindedness! Glory Hallelujah! But, ah, "eyewitnesses"? Mark was at the Crucifixion? Mark wasn't an apostle, either, last time I checked (15 minutes ago).
The above absurdity has best been described by PZ Myer at Pharyngula:
When your claim of godly authority rests on your interpretation of God's holy word, but God's holy words contradict your desired ends, you're in a bit of a pickle. There is a solution, though: rewrite the Bible and change the liberal bits! For this reason some of the deranged editors at ConservapĂ¦dia have launched The Conservative Bible Project, which will purge the wimpy stuff and return it to it's authentic roots.... as a book that could have been written by a dumb-as-a-stick American Republican NRA member who wants to kill communists and A-rabs.
Even some conservatives are knocking it. Here's Crunchy Con's take on it:
You really need to read the whole Conservapedia entry to grasp how crazy this is. It's like what you'd get if you crossed the Jesus Seminar with the College Republican chapter at a rural institution of Bible learnin'.