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On Hold: Live Blogging an Eternity

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opednews.com Headlined to H4 12/27/09

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11:03 am: "There is one call ahead of you. Please continue to hold or press 1 to leave a message and someone will return your call as soon as possible".

11:05 am: I am on hold if you haven't figured it out. I have been on "hold" listening to the same insane message playing between five-second intervals of silence for the past several minutes. According to my calculations, this means that I have heard this voice and THAT message more than 200 times so far. TWO HUNDRED TIMES and COUNTING. Yeah. I'm yelling.

11:09 am: That my chin is cradling the phone as I type this means that my neck will probably "stay that way" for the rest of the day. My mother never warned me about my neck "staying that way". I couldn't be that lucky. Now I'll have to pay for a massage or a chiropractor to get the knots and kinks out. The only kind of kink I like is none of your damn business.

11:12 am: You are probably asking yourself why I don't just go ahead and press one.

11:13 am: I TRIED that.

MORE THAN THREE TIMES. Between 11:05 and 11:09. I'm persistent.I I got the following "message" each time:

"One is an invalid entry. There is one call ahead of you. Please continue to hold or press 1 and someone will return your call as soon as possible."

It's like damn groundhog day in my ear. Now I have an earworm. My symptoms are mounting.

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Patricia A. Smith is a writer and artist (and sometimes both at the same time). A former columnist, restaurant critic and cruise line executive, Smith has lived in London, Greece, Denmark, Hungary, Egypt, Costa Rica and France. She returned (more...)
 

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