Obama Threatens to Grope Putin; Trump Presses for Threesome

WASHINGTON, DC: Presidential spokesperson Justin Funn reported that Obama intends to retaliate against Putin. The US president is furious over Putin's hacking various emails related to the Democratic Party.

When asked for details of the retaliation, Funn said it will take the form of groping the Russian president. "Putin has humiliated the United States and our next president Hillary Clinton," he explained, adding "Now it's time for Putin to experience humiliation himself."

Funn pointed out that groping has been in the news a lot in connection with sexual assault allegations against Donald Trump. "That's where Obama got the idea from," Funn said.

Trump commented, "Given all the experience with groping that's attributed to me, I'd be a natural to get involved." Usually an Obama critic, the Republican actually embraced Obama's groping idea.

But Trump has long championed the idea of getting along with Putin. He thinks the groping should be done congenially, and offers to get together with Obama and Putin. "We'll make it a threesome!" he enthusiastically proclaimed.

When asked for comment, former presidential contender Bernie Sanders lamented how low the tenor of the campaign has fallen. "People used to talk about 'feeling the Bern,' but now we've got this," he responded. "It's all so degrading," Sanders concluded.

Hillary Clinton has had no comment on the issue. Her spokesperson says she is preparing for the next debate.

The foregoing is of course parody and sarcasm. Now let's get serious.

Obama really is talking about retaliating against Russia over the email hacking scandal. He cites proof of culpability in a statement from the "US Intelligence Community." I covered this in my article, "Clinton Heated Up Presidential Debate with Stunning Lie about Putin. Trump Flubs Response."

I documented that Obama's source is an intelligence agency press release that is bereft of facts. Russians might very well be involved, but the "proof" offered isn't proof at all. The statement deals in rumor and innuendo. It states a hunch, indeed an unsupported hunch. Why is Obama trying to pass that off as factual? What's his agenda?

Hillary embellished upon the statement claiming it blamed "Putin and the Kremlin." But the document says no such thing. She was just throwing gasoline on the fire.

In effect she goaded Obama into taking a retaliatory stance toward Putin. And of course Obama complied. Clinton engineered a dangerous provocation.

What a tragic joke our presidential election campaign has turned out to be. It's a parody of itself.

How does it matter who will get the highest electoral vote count? We'll still end up with a "looser" as president, to borrow a word from Trump.

Quoting the classic 1960s song "Mrs. Robinson" sung by Simon and Garfunkle:

"Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon,
Going to the candidates' debate.
Laugh about it, shout about it.
When you've got to choose,
Every way you look at this you lose."