Move over, ladies; Michael's back

By Bob Gaydos

Natalie Harp. Karoline Leavitt. Michael Cohen.

Do you catch my drift?

If you have only a cursory familiarity with current events, those names in the news the past few days will probably cause you to stop and pause to connect the dots. Yeah. You got it. Just one dot.

Trump.

Make it two: A total lack of self-respect. It's absolutely necessary to get ahead in MAGA World.

Until Sunday, the hands-down winner of the yucky, smarmiest display of "Anything else I can do for you, boss?" was Harp. Nicknamed the human printer. The attractive, blonde "human printer" who is always at his side. The attractive, blonde human printer, who refused to submit to a security clearance, oversees all Trump's social media posts and carries a really big bag full of something or other wherever she and Trump go. Yes, the attractive blonde who resembles his daughter, Ivanka. That one. The blonde who jumped into the trunk of his car when she was told there was no room in the motorcade for her.

Harp had usurped the title from Leavitt, the attractive blonde White House press secretary who has never found a lie too outrageous or too absurd to repeat for Trump, no insult too nasty to hurl at the press. Leavitt is leaving her high profile job at the White House, which she had quickly resumed despite just having given birth to a baby girl. The announcement of her departure came after Trump decided to use her as one of the decoys in the two-plane farce in Turkey, but took Harp with him by his side in the catering cart for the presumably "safe" plane. Leavitt stays on this list because she didn't dump Trump, she joined some super Pac, MAGA Inc., where she previously served as spokesperson. What's more, while she wants to "spend more time with family," she says she plans to serve as a close, outside adviser and to join Trump at the Republican convention next month. Which could mean Trump will have attractive blonde bookends, er aides, on either side of him as he rambles through his speech.

Nonetheless, after last Sunday, neither attractive blonde etc. can lay claim to being the smarmiest of them all. That title once again goes to Michael Cohen, the fixer. Not female or blonde, but a lawyer willing to lie, cheat and steal for Trump, go to prison for him, write a book bad-mouthing him and, after eight years, turn around and invite his "boss" on to his radio show for a full-length interview in which they mend fences and Cohen signs off by singing "Reunited." Yucky.

This to me confirms that, while Trump clearly appreciates the presence of attractive blonde sycophants, nothing comes closer to his heart, especially when the future looks threatening, than a lawyer without an ounce of self-respect and a whole-hearted willingness to ignore the law. (Think Roy Cohn, Rudy Giuliani and our current attorney general.) Cohen, who served three years in Otisville Correctional Facility, just down the road from where I'm typing this (much of it in solitary confinement at Trump's order), says he puckered up because he's concerned for his family's safety.

Oh yeah, he also resubmitted his bid for a federal pardon and he might be trying to get his law license back. And he surely knows what's in the Epstein files

If you catch my drift.