Lake Meaculpa, OH —BobZaguy "I want you all my friends to know that I feel that I have done a great disservice to the fine people of this country. I have so completely screwed up the presidential campaign of 2008 and I am sorry. I want all of you to know that I am sorry and it won't happen again, I promise. On my prison cell memories I mean this from the bottom of my heart. I do not believe that I was so blinded by the possibilities of living in the White House and serving as your president that I lost sight of the purpose of this race. Please believe me."
These were the words that John McCain spoke as he opened his final press conference at this Ohio town's airport just before walking onto his wife's plane to fly to Phoenix to vote for himself, surely the final time of his career, if not his life.
Then he said with a little glint in his eye: "Any questions?" And pointed at the ABC-TV news reporter who was waving desperately at him. "Go ahead there my friend, ask me anything you'd like."
"Welw, sir," began Barbara Walters, "I want to know just what has caused you to voice this incredibow statement of fauwt just before you are weaving to vote? Is there some hidden meaning in this scheduwing?"
"Oh, it's you Barbara. I can't see your face under the hat you are wearing. Yes, my good friend, I think that you have come right to the point here. I am deeply sorry, as I have said just now, about all this. And I hope that the American people will understand that I have deep misgivings about what I have done throughout my campaign. I hope that they will possibly see that I am asking for their forgiveness on this eventful day. I still want to be president, but I don't blame anyone if they decide not to vote for me now, considering what I have done here to sully up the political process."
"What exactwy do you think that you have done, sir?" Asked Ms. Walters. "You seem to have been abow to wide the wough waves of the campaign traiw with your head hewd high, as far as I can see."
"Well, Ms. Walters, that's nice of you to say, but it is completely false." McCain began. "The worst thing that has happened is that I chose that Palin girl for my running mate. She is a total disaster, even you would have to admit it I think. I didn't see this coming at all. Why, the first time we met, maybe it was really the only time I talked with her, she came across to me as such a well-rounded and thoughtful person. Her political bearings seemed to be deeply rooted in such strong conservative thought and actions. I was taken in by her demeanor, I have to admit.
"Now, I see, after this almost 2-month swing around the country with her that, even if she is able to draw 50 times the crowd that I could get alone, she is just not cut from the same cloth that the true conservative should be cut from. She is Valentino leather and I am true "Pat Nixon cloth coat" Republican drab. The conservative cloth.
"And then, after that faux pax, I was less than gracious with Mr. Obama who really is my worthy opponent. I was not watching the rest of my staff and speech writers so I wasn't able to catch them doing their damnedest to put all those horrific statements into my and Palin's teleprompter speeches. I am sure that we instructed them not to do this. All those late night meetings at the offices with everyone trying to get their 2¢ in, just to be able to tout their writing skills for the next job. Well, I have to take the responsibility for all that was said that was so wrong. So much lying. I can't believe it, even though I suppose you will all say that I did say so much of it.
"And, then just the other day Rick Davis told me that I wasn't being serious enough about the issues that are on everybody else's mind. That it is an important part of campaigning to be serious and talk about the issues of the country – the economy, the Iraq thing, the education – all that stuff. No one ever told me about that, come on guys. But it's too late now to start with the serious. That's what I said to him right there in the office in Arlington."
McCain finally stopped and took a breath, then he smiled at Barbara Walters. "Does that give you the sense of my thinking about my actions now?"
"Yes it does Senator," replied Ms. Walters. "But the country wants to know just how serwious you are about this apowogy you are giving us. It's awmost wike a bwood-wetting here. What are we to bewieve now about you? Where is the set of standards that you are looking at now?"
"OK Barbara, that's three questions — I'll only answer one of them. Then I have to take at least one question over here from the Fox-TV boys, and Cindy and I have to get to Phoenix before the polls close you know. I said to Rick, I thought we all agreed that Obama would never make this issues gig of his fly. The public's too stupid to buy into that crap. Right? Dubya did his 2 campaigns without using issues, just like 41 did his Dukakis bashing before that. Dubya just baldly lied about the war and everyone thought he was telling the truth. That's what I said, and I know that I believed him too. Believe, believe, believe — that was Cheney's daily call to order in the Senate. Now Foxies, what is your quick question for me here? I know I can always count on you to have an easy one for me after all these years. Right?"
"Over here, sir, Fred Barnes from Fox with a question" said the TV news commentator.
"OK Fred, I hear you loud and clear my friend. Ask away," said the Senator.
"Well, Senator, there's been a lot of play around the media about the purpose of using the phrase "real America" by your running mate, and I'd like to find out if there's any center ground here. Lots of cities around the country say they are feeling a bit left out by Ms. Palin's defining phrasing of what's "real" and what's not "real".
These were the words that John McCain spoke as he opened his final press conference at this Ohio town's airport just before walking onto his wife's plane to fly to Phoenix to vote for himself, surely the final time of his career, if not his life.
Then he said with a little glint in his eye: "Any questions?" And pointed at the ABC-TV news reporter who was waving desperately at him. "Go ahead there my friend, ask me anything you'd like."
"Welw, sir," began Barbara Walters, "I want to know just what has caused you to voice this incredibow statement of fauwt just before you are weaving to vote? Is there some hidden meaning in this scheduwing?"
"What exactwy do you think that you have done, sir?" Asked Ms. Walters. "You seem to have been abow to wide the wough waves of the campaign traiw with your head hewd high, as far as I can see."
"Well, Ms. Walters, that's nice of you to say, but it is completely false." McCain began. "The worst thing that has happened is that I chose that Palin girl for my running mate. She is a total disaster, even you would have to admit it I think. I didn't see this coming at all. Why, the first time we met, maybe it was really the only time I talked with her, she came across to me as such a well-rounded and thoughtful person. Her political bearings seemed to be deeply rooted in such strong conservative thought and actions. I was taken in by her demeanor, I have to admit.
"Now, I see, after this almost 2-month swing around the country with her that, even if she is able to draw 50 times the crowd that I could get alone, she is just not cut from the same cloth that the true conservative should be cut from. She is Valentino leather and I am true "Pat Nixon cloth coat" Republican drab. The conservative cloth.
"And then, after that faux pax, I was less than gracious with Mr. Obama who really is my worthy opponent. I was not watching the rest of my staff and speech writers so I wasn't able to catch them doing their damnedest to put all those horrific statements into my and Palin's teleprompter speeches. I am sure that we instructed them not to do this. All those late night meetings at the offices with everyone trying to get their 2¢ in, just to be able to tout their writing skills for the next job. Well, I have to take the responsibility for all that was said that was so wrong. So much lying. I can't believe it, even though I suppose you will all say that I did say so much of it.
"And, then just the other day Rick Davis told me that I wasn't being serious enough about the issues that are on everybody else's mind. That it is an important part of campaigning to be serious and talk about the issues of the country – the economy, the Iraq thing, the education – all that stuff. No one ever told me about that, come on guys. But it's too late now to start with the serious. That's what I said to him right there in the office in Arlington."
McCain finally stopped and took a breath, then he smiled at Barbara Walters. "Does that give you the sense of my thinking about my actions now?"
"Yes it does Senator," replied Ms. Walters. "But the country wants to know just how serwious you are about this apowogy you are giving us. It's awmost wike a bwood-wetting here. What are we to bewieve now about you? Where is the set of standards that you are looking at now?"
"OK Barbara, that's three questions — I'll only answer one of them. Then I have to take at least one question over here from the Fox-TV boys, and Cindy and I have to get to Phoenix before the polls close you know. I said to Rick, I thought we all agreed that Obama would never make this issues gig of his fly. The public's too stupid to buy into that crap. Right? Dubya did his 2 campaigns without using issues, just like 41 did his Dukakis bashing before that. Dubya just baldly lied about the war and everyone thought he was telling the truth. That's what I said, and I know that I believed him too. Believe, believe, believe — that was Cheney's daily call to order in the Senate. Now Foxies, what is your quick question for me here? I know I can always count on you to have an easy one for me after all these years. Right?"
"Over here, sir, Fred Barnes from Fox with a question" said the TV news commentator.
"OK Fred, I hear you loud and clear my friend. Ask away," said the Senator.
"Well, Senator, there's been a lot of play around the media about the purpose of using the phrase "real America" by your running mate, and I'd like to find out if there's any center ground here. Lots of cities around the country say they are feeling a bit left out by Ms. Palin's defining phrasing of what's "real" and what's not "real".
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