Do you remember the High School Awards given to the "Most Flirtatious Girl" or "Most Flirtatious Boy"? Everyone laughed at that part of the awards ceremony as "she" bounced her way to the stage to receive this "say it as you see it" award while the guy strutted his way up the aisle bragging of his accomplishment. Every girl hoped it wasn't her; every guy prayed it was him! Flirting is fun, exciting and arouses curiosity about the one to whom you're giving this 'playful attention'.
Flirting seems harmless. So, is it wrong to flirt while in a marriage relationship? Or is it OK if it never goes beyond just that? The Miriam Webster (2000) dictionary defines flirting as "to behave amorously without serious intent". If we go back even further, the Thorndike-Barnhart 1968 edition reads: "making love without meaning it."
Flirting communicates a message whether you realize it or not. What is that message? Sexual or romantic interest in another person. If you have no plans to have sexual or romantic interest in any one other than your spouse, then it would be wise to avoid this playful behavior. "But why?" you ask, "if it never goes beyond just playing around?"
Up to 93% of our communication is non-verbal. You are communicating constantly without ever opening your mouth. Your eye movement, hand gestures, posture, and facial expressions are doing the talking for you. With my Communications degree from Texas Tech University, we studied body language intently and discovered that body expression usually prevails over words.
Your eyes communicate messages more than any other part of the human anatomy. Signals of flirting with our eyes include: batting your eyelashes, smiling with your eyes ('smizing'), winking at someone across the room, intimidating with stares of seduction or 'bedroom eyes', looking someone up and down from head to toe and giving that little 'twinkle' that provokes interest.
You should be aware that your eyes are the gateway to your soul. Your soul is made up of your mind, your will and your emotions. Your mind encompasses what you think, what you want and how you feel.
We know through research that whatever a person thinks about, with intent desire, will eventually show up in their lives. If you think about a hot fudge sundae long enough, you will eventually have what you desire in your hands. Napoleon Hill said, "Our brains become magnetized with the dominating thoughts we hold in our minds." In other words, your life tends to go in the direction of your most dominating thoughts.
If a flirtatious glance from across the room is reciprocated, you can count on it, you will be thinking about it all day long. What you think about, expands. If a woman gently touches a man's arm during conversation, he will think about that touch all night long. Eventually, thoughts lead to actions. There will come a time, when thinking about him/her is no longer enough. I heard someone say, "Where the mind goes, the man follows." We simply follow our thoughts.
Many flirt out of curiosity, loneliness and perhaps to feel passionate and attractive again. Flirting could be a means to do mentally what you think you would never do physically. Think again. It has been proven time and again, everything gets its start in the mind. Plenty of divorced people say flirting with others slowly led to adultery which ruined their marriage. Where did the flirting start? In their mind.
Flirting while married is like a fisherman luring a fish. Sure, the bait is attractive, it's enticing, it's what the fish wants, but on the other end of that bait is a hook. The hook is designed to kill. Flirting while married could be the very lure used to kill the most precious relationship in your life: your marriage. It's not worth it. I suggest looking for fun and creative ways to flirt with the one you love! There's no danger in that.
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