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If Jesus Had Been Packing

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John Rachel
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On Baby Jesus' officially designated day of birth, I wanted to explore the Prince of Peace's relationship to lethal weaponry.

If Jesus had had a gun, they never would have been able to nail Him to the cross.

Then again we have to ask . . . would He have refused to use it to defend Himself?

This is a gray area and things get a little confusing. Let's face it, the Prince of Peace became a real rock star as a result of the "turn the other cheek" sound bite. On the other hand, at one point Jesus threw quite a temper tantrum and tossed the moneylenders out of the Temple -- physically tossed them out, from what I gather. It was His Steven Seagal moment.

Certainly we can conclude from this, the Guy was no wuss. At the same time, we have no record of Him punching anyone in the face or dropping kicking anyone's family jewels, much less offing them with whatever instruments of slaughter were available at the time.

Yet seeing some big hairy brutes coming at you with massive hammers and nails the size of a jack handle is definitely going to push some buttons. If He had anything resembling a fight-or-flight reflex, it's not unreasonable to assume that had a handgun been available, He would have emptied a few rounds into his beefy assailants and made for the hills.

What kind of weapons would Our Savior have been packing, assuming all options were on the table? Hard to say with any certainty. But He wasn't much for mincing words or equivocating. It seems reasonable to assume He would not have made some lame choice when it came to arming Himself. I'm no expert so I'm just guessing here. But I surmise He would have had the nice and punchy Sig Sauer P228 within easy reach -- strapped to His thigh under His robes -- and had a kick-ass semi-automatic assault weapon slung over His shoulder. This would have given Him both the solace of being able to mount a quick response and the necessary firepower in case He needed to spray some serious lead around.

What kind of assault weapon would have been the Savior of Mankind's first choice? The popularity of the Bushmaster AR-15 certainly makes it the obvious frontrunner. But I personally think he would have gone with the Israeli IMI Tavor TAR-21. After all, Jesus was a Jew and there's got to be some basic loyalty at work. And practically speaking, the IMI Tavor TAR-21 is one sweet killing machine. It's compact, relatively light and great at close and medium range. Those Romans getting ready to nail the Big Guy to the cross wouldn't have stood a chance. Blam! Blam! Blam! Bye-bye, motherfuckers!

How about munitions?

Being generally disposed in His preaching to encourage His devoted flock to always show compassion, I think He would have chosen standard issue bullets and only considered using hollow-points as a last resort.

The most important thing to appreciate when thinking about Jesus Christ packing any kind of weaponry is the powerful message it sends. After all, who could possibly take seriously the word of a man who isn't willing to stand up for what he believes in? Who won't stand strong in the face of opposition. Who lets himself be bullied and threatened. Who isn't man enough to look some smart aleck punk Roman soldier in the eye and say, "Make my day!"

I'm certainly not saying Jesus would have gone around and indiscriminately brandished His weapons of choice every time He got in a fix. Being the Prince of Peace, He would have been the last to lock and load. But that's the beauty of guns. You don't have to use them to make your point or at least to let others know you're not going down without a fight.

What I am saying is that if Jesus had been packing that day they crucified Him, those Roman thugs would have had second thoughts about nailing Him up like a Raggedy Ann door prize at the county fair. He wouldn't have died for our sins and . . .

Uh-oh.

We'd all go to Hell.

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John Rachel has a B.A. in Philosophy, and has written ten novels and six political non-fiction books. His political articles have appeared at OpEdNews, Russia Insider, The Greanville Post, and other alternative media outlets. Since leaving (more...)
 

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5 people are discussing this page, with 11 comments


John Rachel

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Jesus was the Prince of Peace. But if he had had, for example, an assault weapon, would He have sprayed His assailants with some hot lead when they came to nail Him to the cross? Something to think about during this beautiful Christmas holiday season.

Submitted on Saturday, Dec 28, 2024 at 12:22:29 PM

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Liam Watt

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I'm not qualified in history or theology to make an erudite comment. We'll have to wait for Mike Rivage-Seule for that. I can only say, briefly, what the Jesus story means to me.

Some wanted Jesus to lead a revolution against Rome. He went as far as putting the bankers on notice, but apparently had a higher calling - to demonstrate the meaning and purpose of life on earth. Something like:

Ego is not an entity - it is an activity of mind. You are God - an individual spark of Cosmic Consciousness temporarily embodied in a beautiful form - an extension of the Eternal and Self Existing Source of Life which is your true identity, with all that implies. Your essence is Love - everything else is a call to Love, to be reconnected to your true home, strength, bliss and destiny. Just listen. "Behold - I stand at the door and knock."

It seems that, in effect, by his submission, his sacrifice, Jesus was saying - "Here - I'll show you."

Submitted on Saturday, Dec 28, 2024 at 3:10:35 PM

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John Rachel

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"I'm not qualified in history or theology to make an erudite comment."

Hardly true. Why wait for others, who probably suffer severe limitations and are compromised by their own distorted world views and prejudices, to do our thinking? We are all equally capable of coming up with our own twisted, self-sabotaging, logically inconsistent, puerile but occasionally propitious points of view. Just spend an hour on X and there's your proof!

Thank you for your thoughtful interpretation.

I feel confident that the example of Jesus' show-and-tell -- despite some minor bumps in the road, like nuclear annihilation, genocide, ecological destruction, etc -- will set a new high standard for humans and we will live happily ever after.

Submitted on Saturday, Dec 28, 2024 at 8:46:06 PM

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Gary Brumback

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John, you are a swell guy, and I dislike disagreeing with you, but I must. Religion, in my opinion, is a thorn in humanity's side. Religion teaches people to see what they believe, a very dangerous habit. Religion has never seen a war it didn't start (e.g., the Crusades), promote (Christian fundamentalists are the worst at that), or tolerate. Have a great 2025, John! And I wish that for the entire OEN community! Gary

Submitted on Saturday, Dec 28, 2024 at 3:38:47 PM

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John Rachel

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Reply to Gary Brumback:   New Content

It is indeed surprising to find disagreement in an article that posits nothing to disagree with, other than the need for occasional comic relief in the horror show unfolding in our savage world today.

Puzzling reaction to a piece that satirizes the absurdities that the promoters of "organized religion" have made out of the essential teachings of an imagined prophet.

But have it your way. I guess.

Submitted on Saturday, Dec 28, 2024 at 8:34:04 PM

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John Rachel

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By the way, here's an interesting analysis for anyone who wants a more historically informed interpretation of the "turn the other cheek" meme.

Turning The Other Cheek? What It Meant In Its Historical Context

Nothing seems to be what it isn't. But is it what it seems to be?

Submitted on Saturday, Dec 28, 2024 at 8:54:05 PM

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Bob Stuart

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If only He had fired off a few warning thunderbolts to show that the way to Peace is to not use weapons even if you are packing. Someone who can predict a betrayal, heal the sick and raise the dead can probably kill at will.

Submitted on Sunday, Dec 29, 2024 at 11:14:19 AM

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John Rachel

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Jesus was the Ultimate Sportsman.

Submitted on Sunday, Dec 29, 2024 at 5:38:05 PM

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So we're at the point in the movie where the good guy and the bad guy are nine feet apart and both have their colt 45 aimed straight at the other's face. Just then my DVD player hiccups and I don't get to see what happens next.

So I pick up the NY Times and I see Putin and Whoever is Calling the Shots in Washington doing the same f**king thing as the cowboy movie. Now I'm hoping that "Our" AI strategy is smarter then "Their" AI strategy, put my head between my knees, give Jesus one last wink - wishing that if only we could get over that damned "Us vs. Them" thing and stop projecting our own inner darkness on to someone else.

Just then the DVD player comes back on, but with the clip of the Allies and the Germans in the trenches on Xmas eve in 1914 start singing carols back and fourth, come out into no-mans land and start kicking a soccer ball around and patting each other on the back.

Never mind Jesus - He knows that "only drowning men can see him" (thank you Leonard Cohen), Find me someone with a f**king soccer ball.

Submitted on Sunday, Dec 29, 2024 at 1:24:32 PM

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John Rachel

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You've summed it up well. If we can't locate a soccer ball, there will be no sequel. Happiness is a warm gun, after all.

Submitted on Sunday, Dec 29, 2024 at 5:36:50 PM

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Mary Elizabeth

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Bari Weiss' Free Press published an essay by Kingsnorth on his journey from British secular atheist, to Wiccan/pagan, to Zen, to "Christian" (I put Christian in quotes because the word means so many very different things to different people).

Paul Kingsnorth describes his spiritual journey. I found it interesting and worth the time reading it

.thefp.com/p/paul-kingsnorth-christianity-faith

Submitted on Monday, Dec 30, 2024 at 8:37:49 AM

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