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General News    H5'ed 8/17/21

Humor: Starbucks Are Filling Up Again-Is That a Good Thing?

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The good news is Starbucks are filling up again. The bad news is Starbucks are filling up again.

The 90s had Cheers-style bars where everyone knew your name. But since the 2000s we have Starbucks where everyone knows your Venti No Foam No Whip Double Mocha Skim Frappuccino.

How did Bucks convince America that happy hour should be wired, not wasted, and that they have a Macchiato deficiency that requires five dollars and 500 calories a day to treat? Are the sleeping pills Ambien and Lunesta lucky beneficiaries or was some kind of quid pro quo arranged?

Power Apron Jobs

When they debuted, "power apron" jobs like Starbucks and Kinkos were hot because they offered health coverage and tuition reimbursement. Unlike bar jobs, you didn't have to clean up cigarette butts and the liquid evidence of over-serving. But six months after a Bucks tour, most baristas say "espresso drunks" are worse than their tavern counterparts because they don't tip, don't get mellow, don't leave change on the counter and don't know any Irishman jokes. Worse, unlike tavern customers, "espresso drunks" will remember if baristas were rude or short-tempered the previous day.

Size Lies

Who would have thought in the days of Mr. Coffee makers and taking the thermos to work, that one day people would drink an entire pint of coffee at one sitting? Without suffering an arrhythmia? From "tall" which means small, to "grande" which is an actual pint (see brandy, motor oil, I.V.s), no one can accuse Starbucks of under-serving patrons. Meanwhile, patrons ask for "room" in the cup but not in their stomach.

Driving While Cranked

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Martha Rosenberg is an award-winning investigative public health reporter who covers the food, drug and gun industries. Her first book, Born With A Junk Food Deficiency: How Flaks, Quacks and Hacks Pimp The Public Health, is distributed by (more...)
 

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