Goodbye to a friend

A good friend died recently at his home in Hawaii..
Five of us, all close friends,
Were with him the night he died.
It was a Zoom session.
We were at home in Vermont 5000 miles away.
He was close to the camera.
His breath was labored.
We told stories about our friendship with him.


He lived with his wife of 50 years.
They used to be in Vermont
But he got sick and they moved to Hawaii.
That was where his son and wife live.
He got well in Hawaii.
We all tried to stay in touch in our own way.
He sent me a photo of him drawing on the beach
With a long stick. He danced as he drew.


This is how I like to remember him.
Someday I would like to go to Hawaii.
If I do, I will get a stick and draw in the sand.
I will dance when I draw like he did.
I think he would like that.
He always asked how I was doing when we got together.
I knew he was not looking for the short answer.
Neither one of us went for the short answers.


We didn't ask our friend how he was doing.
We talked about everything else.
About sharing ritual and celebrations over the years.
Of canoe trips and funny memories,
Of all that he taught us about the importance of playing.
He wrote children's books.
He performed little impromptu skits with hand puppets.
He loved creating amazing art from scribbles.


Often when we got together he would suggest a game.
Or he would make up a game on the spot.
Not just for a diversion but to help us tune to each other.
There is no word in the English language for this.
But inventing games that tricked people into thinking
Was his genius. Tricking people into feeling something.
His wife sat behind him during our farewell Zoom.
She didn't say anything, just listened.


She looked sad and tired but strong, something like an angel.
After our Zoom, I thought about my own death.
I thought about how important it is to have friends
Who know how to close the distance between bodies.
Who will tell stories about who you are
But are also able to let you go and say goodbye.
Friends who know you well enough
To thank you for the things you did
That gave you joy.


The things that you were proud of.