Every now and then God stops by on his way to work, to have coffee and we talk about things, cabbages and kings and such. This morning we got to talking about Sarah Palin and the pastor of the church she was baptized and grew up in.
I asked God about Palin’s statement about Iraq that “our national leaders are sending US soldiers out on a task that is from God,” and, “That’s what we have to make sure that we’re praying for, that there is a plan and that plan is God’s plan.”
God said, “Well, that task was from George Bush, and that plan is George Bush’s. The woman is obviously deluded. It’s not that she thinks George Bush is Me, it’s that she thinks I’m George Bush. That’s really insulting. Anyway, I’d never make a plan and task the US military to attack Iraq for absolutely no reason. First, it’s immoral, and second, it’s against the Constitution of the United States. I know better than that, after all I’m God, I’m omniscient, I know everything.”
I then asked God about the statements by Ed Kalnins, the pastor of the Wasilla Assembly of God church, Palin’s long time church.
Kalnins: Critics of George Bush will be banished to hell, questions whether people who voted for John Kerry would be accepted to heaven, criticism towards George Bush is like criticism towards the pastor, it’s going to get you to hell, Palin’s election as governor was a prophetic declaration and unfolds the kingdom of God, Alaska is one of the refuge states in the last days, says he has received direct words of knowledge from God.
God said, “Assembly is plural. You can’t have any such thing as an Assembly of God. There’s only one God, that’s Me. To have an assembly you have to have more then one. This guy Kalnins, whoever he is, is also equating George Bush with Me, and by saying the same thing about himself, he’s also equating himself with Me. It’s insulting to be associated with those kinds of people. Look at Me. Do I look like this guy Kalnins? Or George Bush? Of course not. Alaska is not one of the refuge states since there aren’t going to be any last days. I’ve called that whole thing off. You guys can live in the hell Kalnins and Bush have made, along with them. Kalnins is lying through his teeth when he says he’s received direct words from Me. Never spoke to the man.
“Kalnins and Bush are arrogant and deluded enough to think they’re the only kind of people I speak to, but they forget that I’m God, I can speak to anybody I want to. And, I’ve never spoken to either of them. If they question you, just give them back their own words, God works in mysterious ways. That‘ll shut ‘em up.”
God went on to explain that there have been all kinds of fakers and liars down through the ages, such as George Bush and this guy Kalnins, who have claimed that He’s spoken to them. In every case, He said you’ll find that they got money out of it without having to work for it. He flatly denied that He’s ever spoken to any of them. He said, “If you people are fools enough to listen to and believe guys like George Bush and Kalnins, you deserve to be robbed. That’s your punishment.”
God said that He’s only ever spoken to 10 or 12 people since the beginning of time. And, that they’re all people no one’s ever heard of. Then, with His typical farewell, He put on his hat and said, “Well, I’ve got a universe to run. Thanks for the coffee, I’ll be seeing you.” Kind of an old-fashioned guy.