[ This article was ghost-written by the most brilliant American writer since Mark Twain, who actually does not prefer to remain anonymous but has too many warrants out for his arrest to go public. ]
The ongoing gender-related disputes about who should be allowed to participate in sports competitions can be solved very simply. The process of creating sensible competitive guidelines has evolved over decades, and will continue to evolve. The "trans" crisis in sports can be easily handled with no further blood spilled, jaw grinding, or panties in a twist.
There usually is some logic to what sports categories we create. We have various games for people in wheelchairs. You're either bound to a wheelchair or not. Being on a Harley doesn't cut it. There are basketball leagues for those under 6'. If you're 6'1" but slouch, no dice. We have "senior" circuits. If someone is 45 but feels like he/she is 70, they can't compete with the codgers. We simply check their birth certificate to decide. We have weight classes in many sports. A boxer who weighs 225 lbs may move like a fairy-dusted ballerina, floating across the ring as if he were a feather being blown by a breeze. But sorry. He's not going up against a featherweight, except maybe to play billiards. Most paradigm-shifting of all, the creation of the Paralympics was a brilliant innovation that has so many benefits and bonuses, they're too numerous to recount here. But stubbing your toe or being dyslexic is not going to get you into the the Paralympics 400-meter race. There are clear rules.
All of this categorization is purposeful and comprehensible. It keeps the playing fields level, precludes unfairness and unfair advantage, fosters identification and camaraderie, and keeps the various sports interesting for the spectators.
So here's my solution...
No more men's teams. No more women's teams. No more boy's sports. No more girl's sports.
We have XY competitions and XX competitions.
Submit some DNA, we'll tell you which stadium to report to.
QED.
(Article changed on Apr 13, 2022 at 5:29 AM EDT)
