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GOP ticket a good fit for a novice politician

By       Message Allan Pierson     Permalink
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Senator Mel Martinez (D-FL) announced that he will not seek re-election when his term expires in 2010. Coincidentally, I've been thinking about going into politics myself, the only sticking point is; should I run as a Democrat or a Republican? After careful thought I've decided that will run as a Republican and the vacated seat of Senator Martinez would be just fine.     

Why would I, an acknowledged liberal, run as a Republican? Simple - it's easy to qualify as a Republican. The positions of the GOP politicians make it easier on a fledgling politician and this simplifies things tremendously for me. Let's go down the check list to see if I have the "-right stuff'.

 

All I have to stand for as a Republican candidate is against any gun laws, against any taxes and against Roe vs. Wade.  This will electrify the ominous thing they call "-the base' and they will clamor for me. As a Republican I won't have to worry about any economic policy. When times are bad I'll simply say that business cycles have their ups and downs and that it is best not to do anything and just wait for "-the market' to find its' bottom and sort itself out. There--see, that was easy, check off domestic policy.

 

I won't have to worry about any legislation on social issues as a GOP candidate. When that topic comes up I'll tell it like it is, from the Republican point of view, that if people are suffering it's because they are not rich. If they were rich they wouldn't have these problems and it is their own fault that they are not rich. A piece of cake, check off social issues.

 

The Republican Party, while it has many competent and intelligent people in it, has a history of taking marginal people and trying to make them into conservative icons. Recent examples include George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Joe the unlicensed plumber, to name a few. So I figure I've got just as good a chance as anybody to pull this off. As long as I don't get caught in the sin of sins, a gay affair, I will remain steadfastly in good standing with the GOP. Check off moral issues.

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Another advantage of running as a Republican is that I can attack my opponent with misleading campaign ads, outright lies, innuendo, and half truths that will incite hatred and fear and yet still claim that I and my campaign stand for "-family values'. If anything goes bad during my term in office I can always explain it away as the fault of some Democrat that held the office in the distant past, thus limiting my exposure to any blame levied by the electorate. Check off ethics.

 

There is only one hitch in my plan. For some strange reason much of the public is down on the GOP right now and unless Obama messes up really bad, I don't know if the voters will be over it by 2010. Most of the constituency blame the GOP for many of the problems that we face right now with the economy and Iraq, instead of condemning the real villains; the pinko, liberal, commie Democrats!

 

I hear that Jeb Bush has expressed interest in running for Martinez's seat too. Maybe I'll just sit this one out and let Jeb take his chances. I can just bide my time and wait for a Democrat to get a speeding ticket. Then I can leap onto the scene and exclaim, "See, I told you, you can't trust the Democrats! The liberal press didn't want to tell you about this Democrat lawbreaker, but I'm here to look out for you."- Then I can announce my candidacy and launch myself into GOP immortality. Check off legacy.

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Career Postal Worker and amateur writer.

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