Brace for odious Tea Partiers and mind-numbing fundamentalists to shout "Praise the Lord" for the slickest hustler of their extremist faith, Ted Cruz. Imagine Justice Scalia in the White House, marriage banned for gays but not between church and state, discrimination against minorities, immigrants, and legal abortion, assaults on voting rights, and the crown jewel that deposes federalism: crucify the IRS. "Cruz," incidentally, means "cross," thus with kinship to "crucify," for what it's worth.
Actually, Cruz said "abolish" the IRS, but look at the multiples ironies. His "abolitionist" crusade (ban the IRS, gay marriage, Obamacare, climate scientists) takes on the very same federalism that abolished plantation slavery while crushing a like-minded, confederate rebellion. Imagine Palin with brainpower and Constitutional law training, pandering with faux logic, not garbled syntax. Donald Trump without knee-jerk bigotry but good debating moves. Rick Perry with a memory, pinpointing every Washington tyranny worthy of fire and brimstone.
But wait, for I find light, not just heat, in Cruz' fiery rabble-rousing and scheming shutdowns. Could brother Cruz not offer that magical bridge over troubled waters, coursing through the Nader dreamscape when the not yet deranged right clasps hands with leftists on the barricades? Arguably, the more disruption, the merrier if it washes away the toxic status quo. Unlike establishment puppets clinging to set scripts, Cruz is the real thing, a radical who scorns all compromise and suffers neither fools (every Democrat) nor party betrayers (McCain nailed Cruz as "wacko bird").
The Cruz ministry responds to all concocted conspiracies with simplicity itself: accept with absolute faith the literal truth of God's crowning works: the Bible and our Constitution. "Reason not the need" -- for if distant scribes or "theocratic" Founders (sure!) had not meant exactly what they said, God would have fed them different words. Or syntax. Or punctuation. Beware quibblers, that Jesus' Aramaic came via Greek, then Latin and Arabic before alighting with European tongues. Piety teaches that "when God speaks to the faithful, nothing is lost in translation."
So, why should the left cheer on Cruz, not scoff at his mean-spirited regression and outdated absolutism. Let us count the ways.
1) Let's End Republican Solidarity: An inflexible Cruz missile disrupts the dominant party's need for high unity against a plausibly unifying 2016 Democrat. Even GOP honchos and funders, can't stand Cruz' truculent tirades, nor welcome his predictably sneering endorsements of any centrist nominee. And actually nominating Cruz dramatizes how far (or how low) the GOP will go, inflaming incipient party strife that can't help but improve the world. Why should Cruz' purist loyalists pollute themselves with amoral, unChristian billionaire profiteers or amoral, winning-is-everything operatives? Let the Rapture fight the good fight, for does God not control everything? Why the almighty even lets such fruitcakes sniff such immense power -- that's a mystery for another day.
2) Let's Test the Extremist GOP Election Thesis: Simply, that modern Republicans lose with mushy "centrists" like Dole, McCain and Romney but win when "true conservatives" run -- Reagan and Dubya (!), even Bush I (!!). Purity is the ticket to the White House, per this fiction, especially vs. that evil, "liberal" Clinton "woman" (actual bad word deleted). Cruz wouldn't be caught dead compromising his principles and, like other insurgents, would die for the cause, knowing it will improve his heavenly status. What political messiah succeeded without dissing some moribund party line, even being the ego-driven, loose cannon? Let Cruz have his head and test this thesis, once again: he can only magnify how politically bankrupt is the ultra-right.
3) Let's Watch Extremism Implode: Obviously, a major, anti-federalist party crusade is missing in action since 1964. If Obama instigated the Tea Party flair-up (however co-opted), why not assume Mr. Strident Right-winger won't similarly "gift" the left, along with rare electoral fireworks? Would not Cruz' ferocity fit that bill, so outlandish he'd might even help Senator Warren reform Wall Street crimes? No GOP mouthpiece would more jeopardize GOP Senate control. Could Cruz not accomplish instantly what the Democratic Party hasn't done in a decade: reframe how we analyze problems, propose solutions, and organize political pressure? What serves the left better than a fanatic itching to reinvent Goldwater's infamous dictum: "extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice"? Recall the rush of progressive '60's reforms after that zealotry went off the tracks.