71 online
Most Popular Choices
Share on Facebook 20 Printer Friendly Page More Sharing
OpEdNews Op Eds    H2'ed 7/30/10

Fahrenheit 298

By       (Page 1 of 3 pages)   1 comment
Message David Cox
Become a Fan
  (90 fans)
My name is Winston Smith, or Winston Churchill, or Winston cigarettes, but you can call me Sam, or Lenny, or even "Hey, you" if you like. You see, I've come here to this place to where we are truly free.

Big Brother or Big Kahuna or Charlie Tuna or whatever we're calling him this week, you know who I'm talking about, that guy on the TV barking out all the orders at us, he's gone and ruined everything. See, for years I worked at the Ministry of Truth and it was a good job. All I had to do was report the news, to give my opinions and then to go home to air conditioning, cable TV and Swanson Hungry Man TV dinners. I had it made, right? What could be easier? It beats digging ditches in the hot sun, but then this guy came along and changed the rules.

One day they put up a sign in the office where everyone could read it. It said:

"Don't point out errors. It is only an error if you point it out!"

I stared at that sign for a couple of hours, working up my courage to ask my boss, Mr. Shofensleginstuffer, about it. Finally I went to his desk and asked, "Mr. Shofenslen, uh, Mr. Shofargone, uh, Jimmy, what does that sign mean?"

"It means what it says. It is only an error if you point it out! In this department we don't make errors and my name is pronounced Mr. Shofensleginstuffer! Do you understand?"

"Gotcha, Jimbo, but I do a lot of sports stories. What if the center fielder for our team drops a routine fly ball and lets the other team win?"

"You will report it that the other team won despite a heroic team effort on our part. Anything else wouldn't be constructive."

"What about this, Jim? What about if the other team drops a routine fly ball in the ninth and allows the winning runs to score and we win?"

"Well, that's different," he explained. "It is completely acceptable to point out the other side's deficiencies."

"Doesn't that make hamburger out of your sign there, Jimmy?"

His answer was quick and abrupt, "Read the sign! Read the sign! For God sakes, read the sign!"

Well, that didn't help me much, but it's always fun to get a rise out of Mr. Shofenslen, or Shofenfurtter. He had one of those big, thick necks and always wore his collar buttoned so when you made him mad it made his neck look like red Play Doh squeezed out of a sausage machine.

So I went back to work on a sports story and turned it in to the editor. It wasn't thirty minutes before Shofensdarter, or Shefendiaper, you know, Jimmy, was standing over my desk so red faced he looked like a pimple with beady eyes and glasses about to pop!

"Can't you read the sign?" he shrieked. "What's wrong with you? Look at this title!"

I looked at it and read it back to him, "White Sox lose 10 to 2. So?"

Next Page  1  |  2  |  3

(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).

Well Said 2   Supported 2  
Rate It | View Ratings

David Cox Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

I who am I? Born at the pinnacle of American prosperity to parents raised during the last great depression. I was the youngest child of the youngest children born almost between the generations and that in fact clouds and obscures who it is that (more...)

Go To Commenting
The views expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.
Writers Guidelines

Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
Support OpEdNews

OpEdNews depends upon can't survive without your help.

If you value this article and the work of OpEdNews, please either Donate or Purchase a premium membership.

If you've enjoyed this, sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter to get lots of great progressive content.
Daily Weekly     OpEd News Newsletter
   (Opens new browser window)

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Hobo's Lullaby

100 Reasons for Revolution

Guns or Butter

Taken at the Flood

When will the Economy Collapse? You're Looking at It!

In this Country at Least, The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

To View Comments or Join the Conversation:

Tell A Friend