Debunking Trumpspeak: The Gordian Knot Of Syntax

This 2016 United States presidential political campaign is like no other in recent history. That's a fact. Never in the annals of political history has one candidate so completely manhandled United States political ruling class and bashed so-called "correctness" in so profound and far-reaching a manner. Donald Trump, a hitherto political agent provocateur, neophyte and gadfly, has used his considerable media savvy to change the tone of civil political discourse in the United States while bullying his way to the Republican Party's presidential candidate.

Unscripted and unfiltered, Trump has provoked involuntary head-scratching, a now unconscious reaction to his every statement, while top Republicans reach for the ever present bottle of Tums for upset stomachs. From bullying, woman-bashing, foreign policy ignorance and English language flubs, Trump does it all in a large concocted toxic word salad that follows with Republican Party stalwarts and campaign spokespersons immediately putting in place a series of set pieces. They begin with a quantum leap into word-smithing; spin doctoring, sand dancing and cumulating with a Harry Houdini-like contortionist dive to escape his self-induced political bunker where, presumably, he's going to emerge with a magical plan to make "Blue States Red."

Maybe I don't get it. Trump continues to make all kinds of fantastical and threatening statements. Then, post-Trump word apocalypse, in rush his surrogates and Minute Men all trying to put his jumbled mass of incomprehensible into some semblance of sane rationality all the time painfully aware that somewhere in the deep recesses of the Trump Bunker the political carbon dioxide is building towards dangerous levels that threaten to overwhelm the candidate himself. So trying to rescue "their man" takes on the guise of a righteous exorcism to expunge the self-delusional, power-tripping, narcissistic demon consistently humbugging the Clueless One.

There is something acutely disturbing about a person whose statements are not always what you hear, what he says you heard or did not hear, or the difference between what he says today and the realities of tomorrow. Its either Trump thinks that everyone in America is a doddering ass while he's the Oracle of Sanity and Reason. Such arrogance and condescension is what drives his delusion that "all publicity is good publicity." In this presidential elections there are two parallel political universes: one where sane, rational and well-meaning Americans live and the other a Trumpion world where Borglike* beings inhabit the realm tinkering with human things like fairness, politics, reason and critical thinking. Methinks that if there was a playbook on "How to F**k Up A Presidential Campaign" Trump would have endorsed every technique and plan -- and then some.

And there are oblique signals from Trump himself that he's a bit bored with the general election campaign that lacks the mudslinging, exhilarating name-calling and insults that he likes to wallow in. He's all but conceded the key state of Pennsylvania (where he's trailing Hillary Clinton badly) claiming in a much-touted speech that it will be "rigged" for Clinton: "The only way we can lose, in my opinion...is if cheating goes on." And he's acknowledges a big problem in the heavily Mormon, red state of Utah: "I'm having a tremendous problem in Utah."

But let me get to the crux of Trumpspeak and how to unravel this political Gordian Knot of Syntax.

FIRST MAKE AN OUTRAGEOUS, BORDERLINE INSANE, STATEMENT

The people in Washington, the politicians, don't know what they are doing. They are screwing the American people. Yes, they are. You know what? When I get there none of this will happen. Never. None. I'm going to bomb ISIS and you know I'll do it. Obama and Hillary created ISIS. This yuuuge! Tremendous!

NEXT TRUMP SURROGATES DENY HE SAID "WHAT HE SAID" AND OFFER HOUDINI-LIKE REINTERPRETATIONS

Goes something like this: "Mr. Trump was just being sarcastic -- you guys in the press need to lighten up! As our Senior Campaign Manager said yesterday while clarifying "what he said" Mr. Trump is focused on winning this election and defeating ISIS. By the way you guys in the media always get his statements wrong. He NEVER SAID Washington was dysfunctional -- you guys said that. What he meant was that he's the man to fix Washington.

THEN THE MEDIA PUSHES BACK INSISTING THAT "HE SAID IT" AND TRUMP GETS ANGRY AND PULLS OUT THE SLEDGEHAMMER

Tweet from @realdonaldtrump: "Lying media won't tell the truth about what I said about ISIS. Crooked Media! No trust!"

ONWARDS TO FOX NEWS -- THAT FAITHFUL PLACE TO SPIN AND WORD-SMITH WHEN CORNERED

Trump On The O'Reilly Factor: "Bill, I've been saying this all along. This is not new! The media is making this a big deal! You know, we don't win anymore. I want to Make America Great Again. Washington had better get with the program. I'm doing all of this for the American people. This is tremendous! Just incredible!

NEXT DAY ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL

"Come on, people. It's a joke, right?! You really think that I was saying what you think and said I was saying? If I was saying such a thing, and I'm not, then I would know what I was saying, ok?

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