Dear Corporation,
I'm glad you're a "person" now, so I can address you as one. This has gotten personal. So I'm addressing you as a person.
It is with deep regret that I am forced to inform you that I will no longer be able to purchase your products, or watch your commercials.
You have let me down a few times too many. Actually a lot of times. Your prices are too high, and your quality is too low. The wages you pay your employees won't even pay rent or buy food, or provide any of the essentials of life. You have let me down. I'm ashamed of ever having known you, much less having loved you so much.
It's not like I haven't warned you numerous times before. You have been told repeatedly that your service is not acceptable. You have not listened. You just go on with your disturbing ways. Profits before people.... always.
By maximizing profits and foregoing customer service, and not putting "people" first, you have failed to keep up your side of the bargain which is a cooperative one or should be. You pay me a living wage and I buy your stuff. Pretty simple. It actually worked for a while.
You are not paying a living wage. So, even if your products were not inferior, I would still buy them if you were holding up your end of the bargain by paying decent wages. You are not.
If that were not enough, you lie to me constantly through your advertising messages and waste my time way too often. Now you say you want to take over the whole world and be the boss of me? Nah ah. I'm fighting back.
Therefore, you are hereby terminated. Btw, my tv is turned off permanently now, mainly because I put a .40 caliber hollow point bullet through it last night, and that felt so good. Revenge is mine.
Good luck on seeking employment elsewhere, as I will go on the internet and leave negative feedback regarding your shameful and illegal behavior. The people will all know. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? You should be.
May your stock prices plummet to zero, and your subsidiaries go out of business. May your corporation go bankrupt and your logo live on in infamy as a warning for all to stay away. May you be unable to reorganize, and may your assets be seized and sold for recycling into something that is actually useful and with good customer service.
May you suffer like the rest of us for a while.
Oh, and "may the bird of paradise fly up your nose". (apologies to Little Jimmy Dickens)
"You're Fired" (apologies to Donald Trump)
"Homeland Security, escort this person out of here please, they don't work here any more"
What's that? Torture them? Nah, just let them die a slow and painful death.
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