Say its not so! Senator Ted "Mini-Me Trump" Cruz has gone and done the deed. Yep, the man who gets his campaign messages from the Holy Book has gone and done a John McCain on us. So now in US Presidential Campaign History, er, drum roll please, we now have John McCain II -- The 2016 GOP Circus starring Ted "Trust Ted" Cruz as the GOP war hawk, John McCain, (he never saw a war he did not like) and Carly "Miss HP" Fiorina as Sarah Palin.
And just when we thought that this reality TV political circus could not get any better. Cruz is really desperate. He needs help. So much so it's clouding this judgment. How else in Sam Hill can you decide with 400 delegates behind Donald Trump that your "running mate" will be a candidate whose relationship with the truth is elastic at best and rubbery at worse?
Ted, Ted, you did not vet the former Hewlett Packard chief. If you did you would have known that her tenure there is regarded as an absolute failure. She fired a bunch of people and nearly run the company into the ground. And too, she had a jack-booted approach to management -- it was her way or the highway. Kinda like you, Ted, so I'm just curious to understand just how you two will get along. She's also known to hold a grudge and you did ignore her during her flash-in-the-pan-go-nowhere campaign. You did not defend her against The Donald's sexist attacks.
I wonder what John "Me Too" Kasich is saying about this tonight? Maybe the Indiana bromance is over before it started. But pray tell, exactly what does the vegetable-like Fiorina bring to the table? Is she the anti-Hillary candidate? People are asking: can a CEO who laid off thousands, botched a merger big time, and "left" the company with $21 million become a feasible and acceptable Vice President? And she did lose her bid for the U.S. Senate in California. She was totally rejected by the people. So as a three-time loser (aaaah I'm sounding like Donald Trump!) what DOES she bring to Team Cruz? Inquiring minds what to know.
And from many accounts Carly has had a very adventurous if not ambivalent relationship with the truth. She's known to make s**t up sometimes for no real reason. Maybe it's an inferiority complex and she wants to be "one of the boys." You must remember the infamous Planned Parenthood hit job of a tape that Carly swore was true, the real deal, and unimpeachable? She even "dared Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama to watch these tapes. Watch a fully formed fetus on the table, its heart beating, its legs kicking, while someone says we have to keep it alive to harvest its brain."
Trouble with all that? She was lying through her teeth. None of what she described ever happened in the heavily edited videos. Nada. Nothing. The unadulterated quintessence of nihility.
She also repeatedly claimed that she was not fired from her job at Hewlett-Packard because of performance, corporate speak for "incompetence. Fact Check! In February 2005, Fiorina was dismissed from her post as CEO of HP by a board of directors that she's since called "dysfunctional." The Times also pointed out at the time that although Fiorina wrote in her memoir that HP missed its numbers on her watch only three times, "in fact, the company fell short at least nine times on either revenue, profit or both." Ouch!
On foreign policy Carly's a real doozy. You remember Iran and how the U.S. banned "trading with that enemy?" Yet Carly did the dirty deed, Ted, and then spun it as if it was not true. Carly told Fox News (that bastion of Republican soothsaying and creative truth telling) host Chris Wallace that Redington Gulf -- a private company that distributes information technology - was "not honest" with HP about selling HP products to Iran, a potential violation of US-Iran sanctions.
But the fact is that Redington Gulf was open about its sales of HP products to Iran from the get go and Carly knew about it. The company issued a press release in 2003 saying that its relationship with HP began in 1997 to focus on "one market--Iran." There again is Carly's relationship with the truth -- positively and completely elastic.
The point of all this? Carly Fiorina is an exceedingly poor choice, even by Republican standards, as a vice president running mate. I never, ever believed that I would be saying this but if you put Carly's record as a manager against Sarah Palin, the doofus former governor of Alaska, Sarah wins hands down and she was really, really bad as a VP running mate.
So what the hell were you thinking Ted? Did you wake up this morning grumpy because you did not "get some" last night? Or maybe someone put moonshine in your ice tea? This woman is an unmitigated walking disaster and far from wooing women to your side she'll do the opposite. I can't wait to see Hillary Clinton's political juggernaut spin about the Planned Parenthood ad and the multitude of Carly's fibs. It will be a bloody blast!
Now the big question is this: what's John Kasich thinking now? Maybe he thinks you have finally gone completely bonkers, gone off your rocker, and finally fell victim to Trumfulenza -- a disease caused by too much exposure to Donald Trump the first symptom of which is to play nice with the host and then try to emulate and morph into a version of "Trump Lite better known as Mini-Me Trump."
Maybe the good governor has concluded, the good Christian that he is, that you have finally gone as daft as a mud hen. Or that the Devil has done his thing on you. Point is for most sane people (and insane ones too) this pick is not just a surprise but a shock. Even the usually verbose Donald Trump was slow to react and did not call you "Lying Ted" or drum up some funny name for Carly who he once told to "shut up" on national television -- where you stood by and grinned and did not defend your future VP.
What this tells me is that you came to this decision hastily and might have been reacting to Donald Trump's "major foreign policy speech" since he's been sucking the oxygen out of the campaign and hogging the media after your comprehensive flogging last Tuesday. I don't know but you might have been better off with "Little Marco" Rubio; at least he's got about 147 delegates and is the GOP Establishment darling while you're not.
Carly brings nothing to your campaign, man. She's an inexperienced dead weight. But wait, maybe it's to show your new-found "I love for women." Again, I would have picked Marco, but the immigrant thing might have given you pause -- two children of Cuban immigrants might not play well with the American voters. I know, I know you see immigration as a "black and minority" thing, fair (almost white) skinned people like you are not immigration violators.
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