When you spend much of your grown life sharing your opinions on topics ranging from presidential politics to the marvels of watermelon, it kind of becomes a habit. Sometimes, as you grow older, fewer people are interested in your opinions, on politics or anything else. Also, sometimes as you grow older, you tend to voice your opinion on those watermelon topics out loud a bit more frequently. That's when the 'C' Word sometimes enters the conversation.
Curmudgeon.
Translation: Old guy with opinions. This is not to be confused with senior political pundit, who occasionally might be an old guy with opinions.
In any event, I embraced the curmudgeon label 18 years ago when I retired from daily newspapers. Had to. The heart-warming retirement tribute published for the occasion called me one. Me and Andy Rooney, I figured. Good company. (If you don't know who Andy Rooney was, you're too young to read this column.)
So when the word popped up in conversations a couple of times recently, good-heartedly I should add, it didn't bother me. Rather, it reminded me. There's a place for curmudgeons in society. A need in fact. Else, how would people ever be aware of some of the little annoyances most people are just too polite to point out?
For starters, I think every business that serves the public needs a resident curmudgeon to point out things that leave customers shaking their heads.
For example, if you're a legendary "fast-food" place with drive-through windows and arches and everything, shouldn't you be able to pour two cups of hot coffee, any size, any time, to a customer without asking them to "please pull over to the waiting area while we put another pot of coffee on"? Isn't that what you're selling? Speed and convenience? Doesn't anybody know how to say, "Hey, put another pot on"? And is there any reason other than lack of attention for this practice to become an acceptable routine? Just asking.
While we're on the subject of coffee, if you open a new, (very) small dining establishment, hoping to attract customers for breakfast, brunch or lunch, why would you serve your customers coffee in a paper cup? They can get that at the local drive-through if they're willing to wait. Sitting down to eat should guarantee a real cup with a real handle. And honestly, is it too much to expect someone to taste the coffee to make sure it's more than lukewarm?
And, not to be picky, but if you happen to own a really busy dining establishment, with lots of satisfied customers coming and going, shouldn't someone on the payroll notice that the front door, every time it's opened, always closes with a loud slam. Always. Slam! It could make someone sitting too close to the door spill his coffee. It's not "quaint".
But then, maybe no one noticed the waiting, the paper cup, the cold coffee, the slam. People are busy trying to do their jobs, maybe too busy. That's why I think every business needs a resident curmudgeon to ask the annoying questions.
And obviously, I could really use a good cup of coffee before I go back to politics.
(Dedicated to Sean and Ernie.)
