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Cleaning For Christ: Losing Religion But Finding Faith

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Message Laurel Schmidt


From http://www.flickr.com/photos/12950131@N06/13898438004/: Parroquia de los Santos Cosme y Damián,Cuauhtémoc,Ciudad de México

I never understood what was 'good' about Good Friday. I was told that it was a holy day, which did nothing to explain why banks, courts, the post office, schools and libraries were closed. But something pretty damned important must have been afoot to shutter the American Stock Exchange for a full day. For me it was just another occasion to be religiously confused. Jesus was hanging on the cross so it was time to clean my drawers.

My family didn't go to church on Good Friday. Scores of pious parishioners attended the official agony marathon from noon to three--about as long as an NFL football game minus the tailgate parties and beer. But far from the incense and incantations, my siblings and I spent the afternoon cleaning for Christ. We couldn't go out to play or even amuse ourselves indoors. Jesus was dying, God dammit.   He was scourged and tortured and breathed his last in the company of two criminals for our sins, so the least we could do was sweep under the beds and fold some laundry. Just to add to the fun, there'd be no meat at dinner and snacks were definitely out.

Now, I was just a kid. All things adult and forbidden--sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll--were years away. But the underlying message was that I was somehow a co-conspirator despite the 2000-year gap between the crucifixion and the jumble in my sock drawer.

This was all rather puzzling, but especially the focus on torture, since my religion claimed love as its brand. Saints were known more for their painful exits than for the love they spread here on earth. Everywhere you turned, someone was taking it in the neck, the chest, or in the case of St. Apollonia--the mouth. All her teeth were knocked out before she was burned, so now she's the patron saint of very expensive dental implants. St. Sebastian looked like he was used for target practice by blind archers. And I remember an image of St. Lucy as a pretty young woman in full make-up bearing a platter of eyeballs--her own. She looks like a server delivering the special of the day in a small plates restaurant.

How do I know about these atrocities?   Good children received holy cards depicting the saints in extremis. Like baseball cards for religion geeks. I suspect that the purpose was to help us appreciate how fortunate we were by comparison, but the implied question was always how would you hold up if they came after your eyeballs?   I gave it a lot of thought while simultaneously calculating the odds that I'd be called upon to surrender a body part for Christ on my way home from school in Van Nuys--a sleepy suburb of Los Angeles--even with the godless communists devouring large parts of Eurasia.

Trying to penetrate the logic of my religion with a child's mind was a fool's errand. If I shared my qualms, I was told to take it on faith, which meant shut up.   Since doubt spread like the common cold, skeptics were invited to kneel on the linoleum for a spell. So I adopted an expression that  said "I believe" as protective coloration and put my curiosity on mute.   But eventually the questions outweighed the answers and I dropped out. I haven't had neat drawers since.

I still boycott meat--for health reasons not piety, but it's my only tangible souvenir from nearly twenty years of observance. Except that from time to time I was visited by a vague nostalgia for something... divine. Perhaps if I'd been raised by atheists or wolves I'd be free of this sense that there are sacred things in this life. Or maybe the longing is innate. More nature than nurture. All I know is that the urge to be in awe lingered and dug deeper into my heart.

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Laurel Schmidt is an author and educator. She has published books in the areas art, leadership and learning and has now turned her humorous, incisive and occasionally irreverent gaze toward the challenge of aging without getting old.
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Cleaning For Christ: Losing Religion But Finding Faith

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