[Note: This column is a work of fiction and is an attempt at humor and also an attempt to show other countries just how far freedom of speech can be pushed in a benevolent country like the United States of America !]
There will be a change in the news industry now that Charles Foster-Anarchy McKKKane has been elected. Henceforth, there will be no democracy nor will there be any real journalism . . . McKKKane, a former news executive, knows all the tricks of the trade and will put a stop to that nonsense and soon only government approved information will be available in all the media.
McKKKane rode to victory as "The White Knight" and was touted as the greatest thing since sliced white bread by his supporters. He accused his opponent of being a Muslim candidate from Manchuria who was trying to whitewash a dismally short resume. The choice between the two was a clear black and white choice and since patriotic Americans are a tight knit clan, most voted with a clear and distinct voice. It was the biggest political landslide since Romans chose Barabbas by acclamation. McKKKane's supporters quipped that their man was the wizard of one-liners.
McKKKane waited until late in the game before he played his strongest card and indicated his worthy opponent was a big dummy by calling him a Neanderthal (AKA the "n" word). The citizens in the various hoods rallied to McKKKane's side and sacked his opponent's chance to clinch victory by voting overwhelmingly for the man they called "the war lord."
Some have objected that the election of McKKKane was rigged, but they have since been silenced.
When the Devil's Brigade is sent to quell unrest the boys in the newsroom (and on the anchor desk) will now snap to attention and dutifully report how a patriot like President POW won't take any guff from the communist agitators and will do what is necessary to quash the unnecessary disruption of his plan to bring peace via a wider war. McKKKane is joshingly called President POW because of his former role as editor and publisher of a string of newspapers. POW stands for Power of Words.
Recently "Freedom of Speech" has been subverted and perverted until the left wing lunatics have disseminated a massive campaign of dis-information that is confusing right (wing) thinking Americans! That's going to end on Inauguration day. President McKKKane has issued the necessary executive orders to bring an immediate halt to sedition and treason masquerading as "loyal dissent."
President McKKKane has said that if folks don't know a war has started, then there's no way they can cause disruptions and delays by protesting against it.
President McKKKane has advocated eliminating many overstaffed newspapers that all print the same AP stories and replacing them with one patriotic voice speaking for loyal citizens. Such a consolidation will be more efficient and ecconomical and the savings will be passed along to the public.
There have even been strong suggestions that management of information be elevated to a cabinet level position and that "Mr. Fair and Balance," Bill O'Reilly, will be the first person to hold that office.
Unpatriotic members of the Democratic Party, who objected strenuously to the election, which they saw as "rigged" have been provided with government provided housing and food at resort areas in remote locations (just the kind of government coddling they have always advocated) where they will receive, at absolutely no charge, extensive educations to accommodate an attitude readjustment to a "non judgmental kumbaya" state of mind regarding the newly elected President. It will exemplify the state of mind they often recommend for others.
Evelyn Waugh wrote: "If, for instance, they have heard something from the postman, they attribute it to "a semi-official statement"-; if they have fallen into conversation with a stranger at a bar, they can conscientiously describe him as "a source that has hitherto proved unimpeachable."- It is only when the journalist is reporting a whim of his own, and one to which he attaches minor importance, that he defines it as the opinion of "well-informed circles."-
Now, the disk jockey will play Gil Scott Heron's song "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" (of course it won't it's been canceled!) and we will go put out the bulldog edition of this column. Have a "Great Caesar's Ghost!" type week.