There are many reasons why sexual abuse happens and we still
do not have all the answers. Some suggestions conclude the following reasons
for brother-sister sexual abuse : (1) the brother may use his sister
to experiment about sex. (2) The brother may be socially awkward or been
emotionally neglected and seek out his sister for affection and attention this
is especially true if the parents are distance and unloving. (3) The brother
may have a history of physical and sexual abuse and abuses his sister as a
reaction to his own experience.
Whatever the reason may be it is very important to remember
that being sexually abused is never your fault you did nothing to cause the
abuse. He abused you because something within him and not because something you
said or done.
I came across an article that made me cry and gave me your
link to talk about it. I am a survivor of sexual abuse that started when I was
a little girl. I have no memory of when it started and vague memories of things
happening. I do remember my brother molesting me that memory is very vivid in
my mind. I believe I may have been raped but have no memory of it as a little girl only my parents telling me that I had had
"surgery" down there which is why I was never a technical virgin except in my
mind.
We moved away from our home town when I was
5 this is where I think it happened. We came back every summer to visit my
older brother who lived with my grandmother. It seemed to me that every time I
was alone no matter how old I was I was being taken advantage of. My memories
are just glimpses of what really happened and I have learned to block my
emotions off. Sometimes it even seems so cold and so controlled but I know if I
let them out they are too much for me to handle and I cry for no reason. Still end
up crying when I really need to talk about anything important to me.
My first memory is of being around 5 years old, staying with
my great grandmother and her husband John. We never called him grandpa. I was
sitting on his lap and he took out his penis and had me touch it. I do not
remember much after that just blackness and vagueness. I always felt anxious
sleeping over there unless we slept with grandma. My sister and I would watch
out for each other when we went to the bathroom. It seems that when our
underwear was pulled down he would always find a reason to come in we were 5
and 6 year old.
Various cousins have also taken advantage of me and I did not
know how to say no even when I want to. As I got older I had trust issues with
everyone around me and noticed that I always kept an eye on everything around
me and hate being surprised. I am always very aware of all situations around me
and keep close tabs on people's body language and still did not trust anyone. I
have gone through this with one sister and one younger brother. We did not
talk about it but we knew what happened because from time to time my sister
will make small comments like yeah we understand. My sister and I were both molested which caused
us to be very close until recently.
Certain things have come about that I felt betrayed again
but this time by my sister. She had started treating me like crap and usually
for no reason. We would be having a good time and I would ask someone (usually
not her) and she would come out like an angry bear and treat me like dirt. Once
we were at a party everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves listening to
rock band. I asked her to turn up the volume because we could not hear the beat
she turns it up a little so I asked her to turn it up a little more she freaks
out and said no do it yourself. I am not your f*cking slave. I was in the
middle of a song and she had the remote right in front of her. I got so angry
and said I asked you nicely must you be such a b*tch all the time. I remember
another time she made me so angry and my temper finally broke and I walked over
to her and hit her she hit me back and we start to fight. I am much stronger
and know that I can really hurt her so I hit her only a few times. Later I was
very sorry. I am not sure if our relationship can be repaired all I know is I
cannot handle being around her and she makes me feel so betrayed and hurt by
her actions.
I think what had triggered a lot of emotion in me is that my
older brother the one who had molested me from when I was 8 until I reached 13
years old. My brother confessed to molesting me. He cried and broke down asking
me to forgive him. I told him I forgive him and that I will always love him
because he is still my brother. He then told me that he was raped when he was a
boy. My brother learned that he was the result of our mother being raped. She
was raped by her uncle and gave birth to him and in turn gave him to her mother
to raise (thereby keeping him in the same household). I know he feels
abandoned, unloved, and maybe deserving of being abused. He does lot of drugs
and admits being an alcoholic and controlling of his wife, jealous of any
attention she receives. When I was a little girl my mother started popping pills
she once over - dosed and was hospitalized for drug
abuse. We were never allowed to make noise and let anyone see our family as
anything other than perfect. No one was to know what was going on.
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