Ukraine's Heroic Zelensky Unites Divided Americans Against Putin
by John Kendall Hawkins
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Servant of our people
master of our plan -- finally!
a comedian who can get some work done around here
who can be a slickless anti-oligarchic scourge
and still hold hidden offshore accounts leaked from pandora's box
a real balance of power and pithiness man
a Jew not even Karma-la Harris would dare convict of fraud
at night he's said to do the Yeltsin shuffle
and has dreams he's wild bill riding horses in snowy buffle
he'll be at a podiurm at the White House with Uncle Joe soon
cracking up Pop Corn, talking smack about Corn Pop Putin
to celebrate they'll blow up that innocent Sudanese pharmacy again
when the Russians meddled with our erections
(Guccifer devils oooh)
I'll bet they didn't see this coming
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next up, we wipe the inscrutable smile off Xi's face
we'll clash his civilization so hard
he'll be disoriented and pimp Wall segments to peeing MAGA dogs
we'll make him buy our goods and bads and uglies
(there's a list of Un-American algorithmic activities gathered)
and pay him off in oxycontin pills he can't refuse
and push him to war and when he comes at us -- wahhh! --
we'll shanghai him, go bucky bucky beaver we don't give a damn
we're bringin it all back home, as the Dulutheran Bard says
and I, for one, whoever I am, am glad to be home again, but that's just me
world conquered, world weary, atlas freshly out of shrug
like Yaz on his final victory lap around Fenway
even the beer was crying to think that
and aliens high up above us asking
through a bullhorn we hear in our heads
you done with that dumpling?
meaning the planet
their mandibles like chopsticks pincering