Alfred E. Neumann.
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'Scuse me fer livin', but I'm feeling quite safe,
And can't figger out why so many folks chafe,
'Bout guns and floods and high gasoline price,
And what's wrong with living in sunny paradise?
I'm from Minnesota and think about this:
Mid-Feb global warming won't come amiss.
People are people and complain to complain,
And if in no trouble, get credit on pain,
So they can enjoy now disasters to come,
Which never quite get here and from afar hum,
Why fret o'er shortages when store shelves are full?
Most likely doomsayers are nothing but bull.
The economy's another where people tear hair.
Now the thing's prices rising high in the air,
Today you pay X and tomorrow pay Y?
Just remind your boss you're his best samurai,
And two blocks over that prince will pay princely,
Pay dental and mileage and perks quite tinselly.
Then there's the talk about World War Three,
A pain in patootie for me and for thee,
But seeing as how it would quick end in nukes,
Before the Pentagon could put up its dukes,
And the disaster that it would to earth befall,
It seems more likely it won't happen at all.
It's all ketchup crud, nothingburger deluxe,
Sold by the media for sweet megabucks,
What else could they sell us? Cat stuck in tree?
It's all a mirage so we'll go all knock-knee.
So enjoy as anchor folks posture and swash,
But take it from Phil: it comes out in the wash.