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A Buyer's Guide: What I DON'T Want for Christmas

By   Follow Me on Twitter     Message Patricia A. Smith     Permalink
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opednews.com Headlined to H4 12/11/09

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I'm kind of an impossible person difficult to buy anything for and trying to purchase something for me for Christmas is no exception. What do you give the woman who has very distinct likes and dislikes everything? For starters, you don't give her this:

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the snowblower from hell

Man versus machine, my behind. I do not want either of these things blowing anything at me in my driveway.

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Not to belabor the point, but I have an extremely acute sense of smell, so I am very sensitive to odors scents of any kind. Gardenias, brownies or cookies baking in the oven, Marc Jacobs men's cologne (be still my heart, Mr. Wonderful) and fresh cut grass = pleasant, appealing, yummy, good. What I don't want to have stinking up my nostrils unwrap is exhaust from said man or snow blower, the smell of vanilla candles, sachets of any kind, some God-awful perfume that I'll never wear or imitation almond extract. Ever. While we're at it, please rethink anything that comes with a diffuser or "oozes". Even open sores don't smell as bad as cheap chocolate covered cherries.

When it comes to the jewelry department, do not be going near a jewelry "department" of any kind. Jewelry should be bought in a jewelry store. But let's be honest. If every kiss begins with "Kay", and I find a box with that name on it being handed to me, it will surely be the kiss of death end of our relationship. Think Bulgari, Tiffany, Georg Jensen. Think big. And then think again. Whatever you pick will not be "just fine" my taste. I don't want a tennis bracelet unless the diamonds are each the size of Wilson balls. Let me pick out my own stuff and you can write me a check for all my trouble. The last man that tried to buy me jewelry got me this.


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Yes. It was that bad.

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Patricia A. Smith is a writer and artist (and sometimes both at the same time). A former columnist, restaurant critic and cruise line executive, Smith has lived in London, Greece, Denmark, Hungary, Egypt, Costa Rica and France. She returned (more...)
 

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