2015 Headlines I Would Like To See

In Ultimate Obama Protest Congressional Republicans Commit Mass Suicide

In Response to Congressional Republican Mass Suicide, Congressional Democrats Join Them

Bernie Sanders, Only Remaining Member of Congress, Submits Bills That Pass Unanimously

Jesus Returns! Announces 2016 Presidential Bid

In Stark Admission Rush Limbaugh Claims Addiction to Estrogen Causes His Shrinking Testicles Anger and Confused Thinking

Tonight on Hannity: Why I'm such a lying ignorant moron!

Christians Denounce Jesus For Lack of Rapture

Jesus Responds: Do What I Would Do

Mary Magdalene Returns! Joins Jesus as VP Running Mate

In Ultimate Irony Sarah Palin Ridicules Jesus For Selecting Unknown Prostitute For VP Candidate

During Talking Points Segment, Bill O'Reilly Encourages All Fox Viewers to Kill Themselves Then Shoots Himself On Air

America Closes All Foreign Military Bases and Declares Peace!

Obama Announces That Former Military Budget Will Fully Fund Universal Healthcare, Social Security, National WiFi, National Solar Power, National High Speed Rail, and Complete National Infrastructure Overhaul

Supreme Court Replaced By Computer That Understands The Constitution

Jon Stewart Tapped as CEO of CNN

Ann Coulter Disappears While Writing New Book, Only Laptop And Large Black Strap-On Phallus Found

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