Ever since he became the presumptive candidate for the Presidency, Barack Obama has been dogged by rumors that he was not born in Hawaii, but in Kenya. Attempts to quash the rumor by putting a copy of his birth certificate online have not stopped his critics, most of whom consider it to be a forgery.
However, a new group of theorists claim that the President wasn't just born outside of America, but outside of Earth's orbit. The "Earthers," as they are known, say they have tentative proof that Barack Obama is an alien from outer space, sent to destroy the country from within for sinister but unguessable purposes.
However, that's just about all that they agree on.
Phil Burgle is one of many spokesmen for the "Earthers." A successful lawyer and Democratic activist who sat on Hillary Clinton's staff during her run for President, he's spent almost all his time since his election filing lawsuit after lawsuit to have Obama removed from office.
"I first became aware that something sinister was going on when Mrs. Clinton failed to get the nomination," Burgle explained while juggling four different fund-raising calls at once: "I mean, she's smart, she's capable, she's a woman, she's a Democrat, what's not to love? But then, almost as if on cue, this Black guy shows up and suddenly the media swarms all over him. And that's just a little too nearly choreographed for my liking.
"So, since it's been proven that aliens control about 9/10s of the MSM... well, you've got your smoking gun right there, don't you? I'm 100% sure of it."
Surprisingly, Burgle is less sure about where Obama may have come from, dismissing it as a "minor detail." When pressed further on the point, he threatened to sue for harassment.
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