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Early Returns Shocker (Satire)

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The state of Florida made electoral history once again on Monday, announcing its election results a full twenty-four hours before the polls opened in the state.

The unprecedented speed with which Florida was able to report full election results, with one hundred percent of all precincts reporting, prompted Florida Gov. Jeb Bush to declare the milestone "a victory for Florida's state-of-the-art electronic voting machines."

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