|I marched with Occupy Oakland last Saturday, but I've had a change of heart. I'm joining the One Percent.
The One Percent have fun. They have jobs and money. Or just money, because when you have a lot of money, you don't need to work. They live in houses, not tents.
The One Percent have a government that actually listens to them.
If an Occupier ever tried to defend himself and/or toted a gun, police would shoot him to death. But Tea Party guys get to bring their guns to protests and to make not-so-vague allusions to shooting President Obama. They never had to worry about copscrushing their skulls or pepper spraying them!
So I'm joining the One Percent. A friend said I'd regret joining and quoted Three Dog Night, who sang that one is the loneliest number. No, it's not, not when you've bought off the government and the news media. In the United States, 2 + 2 = 5, and 1 > 99.
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Brian J. Foley is a law professor. He is the author of the humor book, A New Financial You in 28 Days: A 37-Day Plan (Gegensatz Press 2011).