We are, it is surreal to be reminded, a mere 10 years into the smartphone era, and already the thing can identify your face and memorize your fingerprints and evaluate your heartbeats and track your sleep patterns and measure your sweat output and control your housewares and tell your kids to quiet the hell down. It can unlock your every bank account, live-stream the weather, track your flight, connect you in a live F2F video chat with loved ones a thousand miles away on a cruise ship in the Bahamas, even as it maps the night sky and pre-orders your dinner and tells you who thinks you’re hot and who how much someone just paid for your old leather jacket and why your ex never texts you anymore. Your phone? It barely makes calls. Phone calls are for chumps.