Oklahoma senator, author, claims climate change is "as retarded" as the idea of God impregnating a poor woman 2000 years ago
"Scientists' so-called 'global warming' is the biggest hoax since Christianity," asserted U.S. Senator and convicted pedophile James Inhofe (R-Okla.). "No doubt it's impressive. Thousands of scientists, in dozens of countries around the globe, uniformly conspiring and declaring subtle differences in weather patterns and temperatures of the world are already beginning to result in what will be varying and dramatic changes. Call it 'The second-greatest story ever told,'" snickered the admitted and long-standing OxyContin addict.
A leading climate change skeptic/denier, Sen. Inhofe says that, objectively, there are valid arguments from scientists on both sides. Looking very intellectual, he pointed to Occam's Razor, the idea that the simpler explanation is invariably the correct one, as all the proof open-minded people need.
"What's more likely? That Earth, the biggest cosmic entity in the universe, is being changed by tiny little humans," asked the senator thrice convicted of driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol, "or that scientists whose egos and livelihoods conveniently depend on justifying their fancy mumbo-jumbo that just happens to be too complicated for people like you and me to understand, are lying?" Inhofe answered his own question, "I think those fancy PhDs are the problem. We still stink at predicting the weather; it's the height of arrogance to think we can change it!"
Famously illiterate until shortly after his 1978 election as mayor of Tulsa, Oklahoma, the lifelong Presbyterian had long cited the separation of church and state to be yet another fictional liberal plot. But after a number of marathon-viewings of archived episodes of the Auston, Texas-based cable access television show, " The Atheist Experience," Inhofe changed his tune.
"Yeah. Missed the boat on that one," said Oklahoma's senior senator. "The episode with Ray Comfort? An hour of listening to the man explain how patently obvious it is that Jesus is the Lord? Sh*t. I'd never seen a stupid man struggle harder to defend a position based on the idea that if a painting must have had a painter, then the Holy Bible is authentic. But not the Koran."
For years the leading scientific journal, Science Magazine, has published many studies and articles verifying the impact of of climate change, and the preponderance of evidence that human activity is the cause.
"Literally dozens of findings that global warming is happening, and because of us!" an outraged Sen. Inhofe, who has been roundly criticized in the private sector for stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars in different Internet scams, frothed, "And a grand total of zero from scientists arguing the other side. That is not fair and balanced."
Pre-eminent biochemist Bruce Alberts, editor-in-chief of Science Magazine , argues the dearth of "skeptical" appearances is because there is no such thing as a respected scientist making such an argument, "any more than we're likely to see an opthamologist make a rational case that so many Americans need glasses or contact lenses due to youthful masturbation."
Sen. Inhofe, whose wife, Kay, has reported him for domestic abuse on 14 different occasions, insisted any person sufficiently intelligent to not be a Democrat sees through the global climate change hoax. "The only thing an extra few degrees would do is alleviate cold and flu season, anyway," the former member of the American Nazi Party scoffed. "Yeah, global warming. And in the Bible Job lived for more than 900 years. Sure he did."