By now, you have probably heard that Obama's retired former pastor had some radical views and said some outlandish things. While it is shocking that an elderly African American clergy person might harbor some resentment after suffering decades of harsh discrimination, thorough research by the Clinton campaign with copious help from myself and other members of Democratic Underground have unearthed a plethora of unsavory characters and additional nefarious activities going on around Barack Obama and his campaign.
It turns out that Obama's barber is a Communist. http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5071326 An unnamed Clinton campaign source is quoted as saying "He better explain his 20+ year association with his barber. Obviously, during the one hour every two weeks he spent with his barber, he listened to the subversive things the barber was saying. He must have agreed with the barber because he kept going there to get his hair cut. Obama needs to distance himself from his barber or lose the election."
Also, as shocking as it might seem, anonymous sources have learned that the Obama's pool boy is a closet Nazi. It's hard to see how the Obama's missed it. I've never before seen a pool guy that insists on wearing thigh high shiny black boots and has a proclivity for goose-stepping from one end of the pool to another. How can we trust the oval office to someone who would miss this?
Those are some of the reports that we have confirmed. There are additional rumours to the effect that the Obama's cat is a Castro supporter. Despite our normal vigorous efforts to find out the entire truth, we have not been able to ascertain whether the feline is a supporter of Raul or Fidel Castro. Additionally, this reporter can confirm that the Obama's dog has connections to the Taliban and has been working with them and the Russian mafia to import Afghan heroin into the US.
There is more, and Obama supporters are just going to have to steel themselves to the truth here. A Democratic Underground member under the pseudonym "Thurston Howell III" was able to uncover a nearly 1000 year old mystery and tie it to Obama. According to this post, http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5071867 Obama was responsible for the 1066 invasion of England by William the Conqueror. In that same thread, a decendant of William I, who is recognized as England's first monarch, refused to deny the allegations. Calls to Buckingham Palace as well as Ten Downing street (Not to mention 221B Baker street) for additional verification went unanswered.
The Clinton campaign has promised that additional scrutiny of the people who surround Barack Obama's life will continue. Another unnamed Clinton staffer was quoted as saying "We have to know everything there is to know about Barack Obama. The people deserve to know who they are considering for the Democratic Nomination. If that means we have to dig into everything there is to know about the Obama family Veterinarian, Michele's manicurist and the guy who normally helps them out at Home Depot, we are going to do that."