Sounds like an Onion headline, doesn't it? Or even a headline that I might have written for one of my columns, as a joke. But it's neither. It actually happened. Today.
I received a message, not taped, but from an actual person who informed me that I was going to receive the National Leadership Award and I should call Washington - D.C. - for the details.
You bet I was excited. You don't win a National Leadership Award everyday.
I called (1- 877-213-0603...don't say I told you), and sure as shootin', they were expecting my call and yes, because of my contributions to the world of business I was getting the award. I'm guessing they discounted the closing of my three comedy clubs in the Philadelphia area, my inability to land another writing gig in TV for the past three years and my recent bankruptcy, but cripes, who cares how they figured it. An award is an award.
Not only that but, hold on to your seats, they wanted me to become Honorary Chairman of the Business Advisory Council! I'm not sure what the National Business Advisory Council is, but hells it's got some pretty damn important words in it, so who am I to question?
I know it sounds to good to be true, but here's the website they directed me to: http://www.businessadvisorycouncil.org/info/. No one sets up a website unless they're serious.
They said that my input and participation are vital for maintaining the Republican Majority in the House of Representatives. Although there is no Republican Majority in the House, what I think they meant was that with me leading the way, they can get it back.
Then they put Congressman Tom Cole (R, Okla) on the line. Freakin' Tom Cole. The head of the whole National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC). The same guy who said during the last presidential election, "...if George Bush loses the election, Osama bin Laden wins the election." That man don't pull punches. I don't know too many people who want Osama bin Laden running the U.S. (Though I gotta say, at least we'd find out where he was, unless, that is, he decided to run the country on video from some cave. But thank God, since President Bush won we didn't have to find out).
Anyway, Congressman Cole explained how Nancy Pelosi believes I'm just a greedy businessman and thinks so little of me that she wanted to increase the minimum wage. He wants to use my name in a Wall Street Journal ad calling for Democrats to make President Bush's tax cuts permanent.
And, get this. He would be sending me an Honorary Chairman's Gavel. I've never had a gavel before, but I never had my name in the Wall Street Journal either.
But here's the best part, besides advising them on business stuff, I would be invited to the President's Dinner. The g - d President of the United States dinner.
And all that happen with a donation of only five hundred dollars ($500.) to the NRCC, which I could make in two separate payments. Plus, if I can only send in two hundred ($200.) that would be okay too.
And they say that the Republicans don't care about the little man.
Anyway, all this had made me think. I've been pushing the left agenda for a long time. I was a host at KTLK Progressive radio. I write for a bunch of left wing sites. I've appeared on Hannity and O'Reilly quite a number of times pumping the liberal argument. I've been a Democrat since before I was born. But with all that, the Democrats neither gave me award or gavel.
And then there's the President's dinner.
Where's my checkbook?
Steve Young is the author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" and http://www2.dailynews.com/steveyoung">his column appears in the LA Daily News Sunday Opinion page...to the left of O'Reilly's...really. And if you want to overdose on Steve, click here for :Steve's Latest Blatant Infomercial.