I have a radical proposal: de-Baathify the US. Well, actually, it's already begun. The first round came in November 2006. The next round is scheduled for November 2008, and it promises to be much more bloody.
Yes, that's what I'm saying, that Republicans are America's Baathists. The similarities between ruling members of the Republican party and the now purged Iraqi Baathist leaders are really quite stunning once you start listing them:
- Institutionalized cronyism
- Insulated from their own people
- An Orwellian affection for propaganda
- Wealth concentrated in the hands of the few
- Truth and lies interchangeable, as required
- Spying on their own citizens
- Imprisonment without due process
- Sanctioning torture
- A distain for diplomacy
- Trigger happy
But the Republicans are demonstrably America's Baathists. And it's becoming increasingly clear that the majority of Americans are on to them, fed up with their corruption, incompetence, brutality and near-total disregard for the rights, needs and well-being of their own citizens.
So I say, enough of all this bi-partisan bullshit. I don't know about you but I've seen very little evidence that Democrats can play that game. They keep showing up for each match only to forfeit the game. Then they retreat to the locker room to whine to reporters that the other side cheats and fights dirty. Clearly we are going to have to clear the field of play for Democrats before they'll play.
But what if we really do de-Baathify America by canning all GOP candidates? Then what, you ask. We'd be stuck with those perennial losers, the Democrats. The wimps who allowed – hell, even aided and abetted – the GOP-Baathist's 8-year reign of murder and malfeasance.
So right there we'd already be half a trillion dollars and who knows how many lives, ahead. After all we now know what we get with testosterone-poisoned, super-macho, chicken-hawk GOP-Baathists. I don't know about you, but I long for some wimpish rulers. You remember, the kind of leaders who, rather than curling up every night with Janes Defense Weekly, actually stay up nights pouring over studies on things like public health, national infrastructure and the environment. You know, policy wonks, nerds, wimps, Democrats.
So let the purge begin. Sweep the GOP-Baathists into the trash heap of history where they can join their predecessors; the fascists, communists and Iraqi Baathist leaders. And if the GOP-Baathists really want to catch up with al-Qaeda leaders, they will only have a short wait before the Islamo-fascists land on the same trash heap with them.
Though we did pick up some handy tips during our de-Baathication of Iraq; like the importance weighing a perp in order to calculate how much air to leave beneath his trap door.
Of course we Americans don't hang our deposed/disgraced leaders --- though we occasionally encourage other nations to do so. And, as tempting as it suggest we make an exception in this particular case, I will not.
Instead I will be satisfied to settle for precisely what George W. Bush says he wants -- to let historians settle those accounts. And they will. Because, once we de-Baathify this place historians will no longer have waste their time de-bullshiting the information flow. With GOP-Baathists gone, and along with them their Baghdad-Bobs, like Tony Snow, historians will simply have the unvarnished truth from which to draw their conclusions. And the truth and history will indeed settle those accounts.
Hey, I know how you feel. You've grown to hate the Democrats almost as much as you hate the GOP- Baathists. But put that aside for now. De-Baathify America in November 08 and put the wimps in charge for a while and let them do exactly what the GOP-Baathists keep warning us they will do.
Once our new wimpish leaders leave Iraq they'll have $10 billion a month more to spend on wimpish things, like fixing our own crumbling bridges, providing hospitals and health care and funding world-class educations for our own children.
But, if we leave Iraq will “the terrorists win" and spread their influence in the Middle East? Maybe. But only the people in that region can – so to speak – de-Baathify their own countries. And they will -- eventually.
Will “the terrorists” attack us here at home?