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Top Ten Reasons Ann Coulter is America's Sweetheart

Top Ten Reasons Ann Coulter is America’s Sweetheart

 

10).  There’s something very endearing about a female Archie Bunker.

 

9).  "A woman who can talk tax cuts, the right to bear arms, and NASCAR sure puts me in the mood." -- Sean Hannity

8).  Doesn’t every guy in America secretly desire a towering, tart-tongued, condescending termagant who earns 50 times what he does?

7).  Coulter’s cameo as Captain Jack Sparrow’s psychopathic aunt in Pirates of the Caribbean: Revenge of the Shrew make her as popular among today’s school children as Miss Gulch (the Wicked Witch of the East) from T he Wizard of Oz was during the depression.

6).  With Coulter’s killer body, personal charm, and innate diplomatic skills I’m surprised the Bush Administration hasn’t appointed her ambassador to North Korea.  I’m sure Kim Jung Ill would give up his nukes to go one-on-one with Ann.

5).  With Bush and Cheney’s popularity waning, Coulter is the ultimate poster child for compassionate conservatism.

4).  Ann’s innate warmth, self-effacing modesty, and abundant empathy are qualities any prospective mother-in law would appreciate.

3).  Scientists discover that Ann’s frigid personality single-handedly offsets the effects of global warming.

2).  With Brittany Spears in rehab, Coulter remains the only bona fide female conservative intellectual. 

1)  “Hey, give Ann a break.  She’s no longer the same gal who pulled the wings off butterflies, blew up frogs with firecrackers, and tried to set the homeless on fire.”  -- Childhood friend.

 

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About the Author -- Scott D. O'Reilly is an independent writer with degrees in philosophy and psychology. His work has been published in The Humanist, Philosophy Now, Intervention Magazine, Think, and The Philosopher's Magazine. He is a (more...)
 
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