Healthful treats for Trick or Treaters?
Aaaaw geesh! Give the kids a break! Hallowe'en is their night; let them have candy! If they can't eat candy; let them eat cake.
I don't know where the questions came from that constituted the daily poll in my local paper on Monday and Tuesday, because there weren't the usual related stories.
Monday: Should healthful treats be substituted for candy?
Tuesday: Should costumes be banned from schools?
The image of carrot sticks and tofu skeletons enclosed in plastic wrap immediately poped into my head. That, of course, is unhealthful to begin with, being that it would be comprable to "unwrapped" treats instead of factory-sealed mini candy bars.
To even suggest taking the candy out of Hallowe'en violates every principle of fun American traditions, as well as depriving kids of a sugar high to last for a year.
Want a healthful Hallowe'en? Let the kids Trick or Treat in Calabasas and chow down on carrot sticks and tofu pumpkins. That "treat" would be worthy of a really big "trick." It's surprising that the Calabasas City Council hasn't outlawed eating candy in public places to go along with their outdoor smoking ban.
What good is it being a kid if buttinsky grownups are going to take all the fun out of it? Surely, the food police have forgotten the nutritional value of Hallowe'en apples. Not the bobbing for kind; the kind that are covered with ooey-sticky, chewy caramel coated in nuts.
Want a healthful Hallowe'en how about this? In order for the little ghosts and goblins to have their candy and be healthy, too, they must do three push-ups before ringing each doorbell. That should balance things out.
The Grinch wants to take all the fun out of Christmas, but now his spooky clones want to take all the sweetness out of Hallowe'en.
The kids would be better off if these ghoulish spoilers touted healthful eating all year, leaving ghostly candy for that one night each year when the youngin's can pig out on scary treats.
It would also be "un-holidayous" if kids weren't allowed to wear Hallowe'en costumes to school for whatever whacky reason the up-tight crowd come up with, and costumes aren't even fattening.
A tiny fraction of a percent of the population only see the mystical, pagan roots from which Hallowe'en sprang. They are the spoilers who want to take the fun out of childhood. Either they were abused as Trick or Treaters, only receiving sour balls, or they were never children, having been hatched as heartless adults.
Next they'll want to take the tooth-melting, brown sugar, marshmallow-topped candied yams out of Thanksgiving. No more pumpkin or mincemeat pie topped with mounds of whipped cream, either? That leaves a bowl full of nuts and a nutcracker, which if nothing else, will leave the kids busy for a while trying to break into those stubborn shells.
That brings us to Christmas. Chocolate santas and candy canes will disappear from under the tree. No Candyland. How depressing.
It's a good thing kids don't usually stay up long enough usher in the New Year. A tablespoon of champagne for junior and sister to taste in celebration of the night will certainly have the health nut police calling the real police.