If you can read this, thank a Liberal

If you can read then thank a liberal. Once upon a time, kings and the powerful didn't want you to be able to read. They would tell you what you needed to know. Liberals said no, you have the right to know. You're smart enough to know without the government, rich or church letting information trickle down at their self-serving whims.

Back then conservatives didn't even want you to be able to read the Bible. That's why it wasn't translated into common languages like English. But hip-hip hurray for good old liberal King James who broke with conservative traditions and lifted the death sentence against translating the Bible into English. Thanks to liberals, you can now read the Bible or the Tao te Ching without fear of being burned at the stake. You can also choose your church - or not - without having the government tell you what is the official belief system.

Even then, it took us bleeding-heart liberals more than two hundred years before getting everybody in Christendom the right to read the Bible. Down in Dixie it used to be a hanging offence in certain parts to teach a slave how to read the Bible. But, hallelujah, praise the Lord, with the defeat of the conservative Confederacy the last major fortress of slavery fell in Christendom. And in modern times, we liberals have even been able to stop ol' timey conservative Christians from lynching blacks wanting the same rights as a white man.

If you can vote, thank a liberal. If you're a woman, black or minority, allow me to apologize for not getting you the vote earlier. Royalist American conservatives have put up quite a fight over the centuries. Granted, they love to take credit for what they have opposed but that is the way it has been since the beginning. Nor will the situation change for the better until people start thanking liberals by doing what liberals have most wanted since the get-go: for you to be a well-informed, free-thinking, conscience-driven citizen responsible for this little liberal experiment we call government of the people, by the people and for the people.