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The Palast Paladins vs. Coulter's Crusaders

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Greg Palast has challenged Ann Coulter to a debate. "Set the time, set the place, and I'll be there. Nose to nose, my facts versus your fanaticism." Palast also told Coulter that she sounded more like a Roman than a Christian.

Do I ever know how Palast feels. The mainstream media seems to only give time to right-wing barking heads. Last week I asked Bill O'Reilly to let Media Matters come on his show because he had accused them of some really bad things and they wanted a chance to respond. I also suggested to O'Reilly that he let Helen Thomas come on his show. Guess what? Bill Godot O'Reilly has yet to respond.

It's time to step it up a notch. Let's face it. The bottom line with mainstream media is that they have got to have a show. People want entertainment. Give them a good circus and plenty of bread.

So, toss up the bat, folks, and grab on tight. We're going to pick teams and play some good old-fashioned hardball. Look-a-there, I get to choose first. I pick Greg Palast to pilot the starting rotation for the All-Stars of the Liberal League. Palast brings the pure heat straight-down-the-middle and dares you to hit it. Ain't nobody who knows how to take the mound like Palast and bring the blazing heat straight home.

For the Bush League All-Farts, Ann Coulter picks herself first for the home team. She hopes flipping her mane and mimicking a panty-less Sharon Stone will throw the batters off and have them swing at her wild pitches. If they don't, then Coulter will uncover a liberal conspiracy among the umpires to call balls-and-strikes impartially and objectively. That will surely provoke one of her more memorial temper tantrums and hair-flippings. God forbid she ever start chewing her hair and banging her head.

Next, I pick Media Matters. No flash, no hype, no starting-pitcher egos, they are the epitome of methodical pitchers whose mechanics and pinpoint precision leave batters bewildered as the third strike is called. Moreover, Media Matters consistently delivers over the long stretch.

Ann Coulter then demands since I got to pick first that it is only fair that she now picks twice or otherwise she will throw another temper tantrum and nobody will get to play. She picks Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly. She wants a rotation specializing in screwballs, sinkers and spitters so slimy that Gaylord Perry won't touch one even wearing rubber gloves.

My next pick would be Erich Boehlert of "Lapdogs." My closer would be Helen Thomas. Grown men would wobble in the knees and pee in their pants after facing the likes of my starters and then have to face Thomas as the finisher. Of course, I would want Noam Chomsky but it is almost not fair using him as his stuff is too fast for the average human eye.

Of course, I'm being silly. But only to a point. There needs to balance in the MSM. Right now the likes of Coulter's Crusaders are the only ones getting to pitch and bat. Since the demise of the Fairness Doctrine the MSM has determined that both sides don't get to bat. The way ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox and NBC fixes the game is that only Coulter's Crusaders get to play. People like Palast, Boehlert and Media Matters have to play in their own special league on much smaller playing fields like Democracy Now! or Air America.

My contention is that the likes of Coulter couldn't last more than an inning facing someone like Palast in a fair and balanced game. In fact, none of the popular talking hateful heads of the right could either against Palast or any number of liberal thinkers. But while the liberal thinkers make for convenient targets for pundits like Coulter when she frequently appears on television, those she has accused are not allowed fair time to answer her. That has got to end. The playing field has to be fair. The rules have to be the same for both sides. A strike is a strike and an out is out. You don't get to toss the ball up yourself and then hit it, Rush. Hitting a batter with a wild pitch is not what is meant by a strike, Bill. And, Ann, yelling "fire" is not the same as calling-out "play ball."

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B. 1952, GA, USA. D. To Be Determined. Beloved husband, father, grandfather, lover, confidant and friend of many from bikers to Zen masters; American writer and speaker, known for his criticism of Mammon's unholy trinity of big business, big (more...)
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