Saving America: A How To Do It Kit For Only $11.95 And Two Boxtops Off A Winchester Cartridge Case Find here, Fascists, Nazis, thieving murderous bastards, Saints and freaks, gods and Nutcases, fair share, elimination of excessive wealth. Free healthcare, and those who don't want it can do without and how to achieve decent world, free of Bushites and their evil followers/enablers. Humor, exaggerated satire.
A World Of Peace I am going to vote for Dennis Kucinich! Why? For better reasons than people voted for Butcher-Bush. I am voting for Dennis (and no disrespect meant) because he has the hottest wife in Washington! (And because he is the only person in Washington with honest common sense and his wife's beauty proves it!) Now, isn't that a better reason than anyone can possibly have for voting for WHO ME? Alfred E. Newman-Bush? Now For A Few Environmental Problems Which We need To Fix We are running out of gorgeous women with brain cells working. There are simply not enough of them to go around, and many of those that now exist are dating or married to dorks, because there are not enough good looking studly, brainy guys around either. This needs to be fixed. America is overpopulated, but not with beautiful, intelligent, energetic, non-materialistic people. Smart, attractive, altruistic people are in short supply. Mosquitoes aren't killing anyone any more, but the Pesticides and Herbicides wasted on killing harmless mosquitoes, are killing Americans by the buckets full, but slowly. All water supplies are contaminated, so are all of our food supplies... with chemicals. Oh, one more thing to worry about, Sharks are starving! Yes, their food supply is dwindling because of ocean pollution by America and China. Now for how to save America?" Well, most of the damage was done when they let Fascists into America in the first place, ages ago. However, once having them come over, allowing them to raise their own children was the second mistake. The largest share of damage however, was done when the government did not incarcerate the entire Bush, Walker, Harriman firm, between the 1930's and the 1950's. However, what can we do about it now? Well if you paid your $11.95 keep reading but if not Buzz-off! How To Save America Now! When I see the iPoded-out, Comcasted, DISHED-out, 50" HDTV'd, Ring-toned-shopped, 4 inch thick by 5 inch heeled shoes, pants-worn below the pubic-line, baseball-caps worn backwards and sideways, eating, make-up putting on, and reading while Driving 10 mph below the speed limit in the passing lane, 60% non-voting, American, working, single women, and illegal aliens, I say take the vote away from anyone who didn't vote, jail everyone who wears a baseball cap sideways or backwards, and if they never played organized baseball, send them to Crawford Texas. They are the same people who want harmless mosquitoes to be sprayed with pesticides that do little but kill Americans. They are also the same idiots who pour pesticides/herbicides all over their lawns and gardens for cosmetic reasons. The above idiots are what our forefathers (and some foremothers) died for? That is truly disgusting! I say arm them all with water pistols and wrap them in a few tons of consumer, Chinese-slow-death-toxic-plastic crap and then dump all the pesticides and herbicides on their lawns and let them commit themselves to Funny farms and then drop videos of Bush lying to them and play them over and over again forever! That should reduce the population by about one 1/4. Now, we have a few more matters to take care of in this saving of America, so here we go.
Rebuilding Texas In The Mold Of New Orleans We should build a fifty-foot high ten-foot thick, reinforced concrete wall around the entire state of Texas. Everyone who believes in Evolution or Creationism, should be shipped, there and we should air-drop enough arms and ammunition and fully armed rockets, into this Prison State for everyone we commit to it, but only half as much food as they would need and when we hear no more shots being fired within, we should applaud. Then we should airfreight a few million more rounds of ammo in and wait. Still no more shots being fired? Then we should sterilize the entire state, with lye, bleach, and wait a few more generations. That knocks off another 1/4 of the nutcases in America. While that is going on, we have a few more tasks. We give every single American a simple test: THE TEST! 1-Have you ever driven slower than the speed limit in the passing lane keeping pace with another auto in the slow lane? 2-Have you ever: Read, eaten, put on make-up, combed hair, looked out the side windows or at your passenger, more than at the road, or spoken on the phone while driving? 3-Have you ever voted for G W Bush twice? 4-Are you still a Bush Supporter? 5-Do you believe that Saddam was in cahoots with Osama BL and 9/11? 6-Do you approve of the attack on Iraq? 7-Do you believe enemy aliens planned that 9/11? 8-Do you believe that Jesus approves of the war in Iraq? 9-Do you like the smell of Chinese plastic? 10-Do you support war because it is good for business? , Have you made a profit during the war on oil or any war materials? 11-Do you watch American Idol? 12-Do you watch NASCAR? 13-Does your cell phone make any sound other than a Buzz or a ring? 14-Have you ever played Organized Baseball? If so were you a Catcher? 15-If not, do you ever wear a baseball cap either sides ways or backwards? 16-Do you wear your pants below your navel? 17-Are the legs of your shorts wider than an elephants leg? 18-If you have lived in America more than 18 months and do not speak yet or write in English, say, yes and paint a Giant Zero on your forehead, okay? 19-Wasn't Alberto Gonzales a Nice guy-a great guy? 20-Weren't you devastated that he and Rove and Wolfowitz and Rove and Rumsfeld and Michael Brown "resigned"? Now, Back To The Starving Shark Problem. Anyone who gets a passing grade in the above, which is 2 yes answers, will be dropped by plane into the shark infested waters off the Australian coast to feed the poor starving sharks and a far enough distance from shore that they could not swim back and dump then buckets of chum on them. We could finance this by selling water soluble Bibs to the sharks with illustrations of Neo-cons on them. Now that eliminates another 1/4 of the population. Now to Tie Up A Few Loose Ends People who do not discipline their kids: Most people who do not speak English well and a majority of those who do, do not discipline their offspring. The brats of these people run obnoxiously amuck everywhere you go creating havok and endangering themselves and others and their parents are usually nowhere in sight. They run around everywhere, in restaurants, stores, movie theaters, even churches. No, the aggregate IQ of these folks is so close to Zero, they won't even notice we are shipping them to Texas as well. There goes another 1/8th of the population. In that way we can save their kids and can raise them teaching them what their parents apparently never did and make them good citizens.
Now, everyone, who is not an athlete or in the entertainment field who has over $1,000,000 in accumulated savings, (We still need to be entertained, don't we?) if the women are beautiful and smart, separate them from the rest and send them to me, ship the rest to the walled in Texas prison state and arm the bejeepers out of them or to the Australian shark feeding project, their choice. Every lobbyist who has either given money to a politician, or any politician who has ever taken any money from a politician will likewise have their choice of being sent to the Texas prison state where we will arm the bejeepers out of them or to the Australian shark feeding project. There goes a 1/16th more of the morons. Now, for the remainder, anyone who does not read this opednews thing, especially my column, or yours or both, ship them to toxic China. That leaves a handful of us and I will be watching the rest of you carefully. Actually, the above plan differs from that of the Avaristic, Neo-con, Fascist, Nazi, segments of the Bushite's depopulation camp in only one way. They want depopulation of anyone who possesses under $100,000,000 and is not a Nazi, dead. They want our land and money first, however. So, we want only the fools out of our hair-that probably means all of or most of even us. So, there is to be an Apocalypse, but the difference is that the Avarists, the arms makers, the evil of weapons and toxic chemical and product creating scientists and manufacturers, the lobbyists, the politicians, the materialists, all of the religionists, including, the IQ and common sense deprived, Christian Right, the fascist segment of the Catholic Church, which church was once the bastion, at least in America, of Liberal thought and action, the Fundamentalist entirety, the Creationists, and the evolutionists are all the enemy, but of whom? We, all of you who write and read here, have identified all of the above individually at one time or another as THE enemy. So, then, who are our friends? Apparently not materialists. That makes us austere and unmaterialistic. Apparently arms manufacturers are not our friends-that makes us pacifists. Certainly not lobbyists or avarists, that makes us uninterested in being rich and separators of church, state and Corporations, and supporters of workers rights, salaries and benefits.
Of course, Organized Religionists are not our friends, which rules out Creationists and evolutionists, for both are religions, held to lacking sufficient proof that any unbiased, true scientist would find convincing. I am an anthropologist, and I believe that in certain instances, the few and scattered evidences of evolution points at a possibility, but not convincing proof enough that if it were a stock for sale on the NYSE, I would buy it at any price above $00.01 cent a share. As far as religions are concerned, Jesus and S. Buddha are the only ones to my knowledge which philosophies are violence free. S. Buddha is the sole initiator of a spiritual life, which made no claim to divine association/inspiration. There is evidence, but threadbare and scant that humans or any other major life forms evolved in the way explained by scientists at the present time. It is a THEORY, and a very ingenious one, but it is not mathematically provable now. Creationism, as some Organized Religions teach it, is even less provable. Somewhere in between may lie the truth, but if so, it is a truth to which, we do not as yet, have access or verification and people fighting over it or evolution are stupid and belligerent. What we need is a GORT, the robot from the film, THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL. Well, unfortunately we don't possess a GORT. So where does that leave us? It leaves us here. A start would be, capping all executive compensation packages at $2.5 million per year based upon no more than 25 times the compensation packages of all employees and contractors' employees and independent contractors compensation packages including those outsourced. And allow no accumulation of any estates totaling more than $10,000,000. Anything more is robbed from investors and citizens of our nation and the world. That is a generous compensation and accumulation package, and no man needs more. Minimum wage should be set at $75,000 per year and no family, while any child is under the age of 17, may have both parents working. These figures set the pace for a peaceful life without avarice, excessive wealth, or children left to fend for themselves. The difference in cold cash, of the executive Compensation packages of the past and the above will be used to fund a completely free health insurance program for 300,000,000 Americans, with the use/involvement of any Insurance companies. Separate church, state and corporation with wealth stripping, exile, as the ultimate penalty for breaching that boundary. Tax all churches which exceed stringent minimal levels of travel, entertainment and which do not dispatch at least 80%-90% of income/donations generated, after salaries and benefits for employees, for charitable works. Cap the incomes and expenses of all Signature Managing Executives of all charitable organizations at minimal levels to no more than 10% of all costs to run their organization. Rid the world of avarice and you will rid the world of evil. Satan has no place to hang his hat when avarice is gone in all of its forms. Make the accumulation of personal or family wealth punishable by exile after stripping of the wealth. Elimination of family dynasties is a necessity; this is one of the few things early Christianity got right. Excessive wealth and power (Avarice) is and always has been, the Root of all-evil.