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Lord George

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Message Missy Beattie
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In the year of the new beginning, 2000, George W. Bush came to shed light on the darkness that inhabited the country during the reign of the indecent Bill Clinton whose world was without form. Bush created a map of the earth to rearrange countries of the Middle East in order to spread his word. Not miraculously, but with the help of corporate disciples and invisible ballots, Bush retained his authority in 2004.

LandLord George invaded Iraq in 2003 just after Vice Lord Richard Cheney rewrote The Golden Rule to read 'preemptive strike--do unto others first.' Eventually, they had liberated over 100,000 Iraqis and more than 2,300 American troops to eternal life. Also, Vice Lord almost liberated a lawyer/Republican Party donor in the Garden of Armstrong, but Harry Whittington rose from the near-dead to be able to donate again, thus Lord George forgave Vice Lord.

Inspired by his 'born again' base, Lord George appointed himself the arbiter of moral rectitude. "Let us make every man in our image," he proclaimed. "I will use my political capital to do this."

In 2005, he decreed a great flood and called on the rage of Katrina for the gentrification of storm-ravaged areas of the United States. Lord George said, "I will carve a heaven of upper class, white neighborhoods in New Orleans. This is good."

And, then, the most brilliant disciple, Karl Rove, worked tirelessly to shred the Constitution and cast in stone The Contract for New American Commandments:

There will be no other God but me, George W. Bush.

My image will be above your fireplace and if you can't afford a house with a fireplace, go to some arena, but not in Texas. The Mother is nervous about the rise in crime after all those Katrina victims swarmed the state.

Do not take my name in vain.

Remember the Sabbath--electronic voting day. Keep it sacred with no paper trail and we will be rich with blessings.

I am your daddy. Honor your daddy.

Overthrow anyone for oil including a democratically elected leader of another country.

Honor my invasion and occupation of a country.

There will be no bearing of truthful witness against me or anyone in my administration.

Abide in the house of Lord George and you will inherit the Medal of Freedom

"Heckuva good job, My Faithful Turd Blossom," Lord George said when he reviewed the rules after his daily bicycle ride. "You're my most smartest disciple. I like Samuel a heckuva lot and Condi but, sometimes, Rummy gits on my nerves. Ya know, Vice Lord can be a little intimidatin' but he's been kinda quiet since he shot Harry."

Rove nodded in reverence. "Remember when Ann Coulter suggested that somebody put rat poison in John Stevens' creme brulee?"

"Yeah, I betcha you're workin' on it and, then, we'll put Ann on the Bench. Now, 'bout these soon can we git 'em up in ever' church, synagogue, courthouse, school, mall, and public place in the country and throughout the Middle East?"

"Thy will be done, Father. They'll be transported immediately."

"I want my picture on 'em before they go out. And ya know that statue of Saddam we toppled...I'd like to see some of me, ya know, put up...the same size."

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Missy Beattie lives in New York City. She's written for National Public Radio and Nashville Life Magazine. An outspoken critic of the Bush Administration and the war in Iraq, she's a member of Gold Star Families for Peace. She completed a (more...)
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