Question #2: How many of you believe in UFOs?
Sit tight...I'm going somewhere with this.
Here's the best question of all: If an omnipotent god wanted to spread his message and save his people, why did he send his son to Bethlehem in the Year Zero? Call me crazy, but I'm thinking if he set up Jesus in a Times Square office with a laptop and a wireless connection, well...you get the idea. Let's face it, dumping the messiah into a manger in a small town in Palestine some 2000 years ago ain't exactly the type of decision an omnipotent being would make. I mean, I'm reaching more people on-line in one day than Jesus met in his entire life.
Hmm...that gives me an idea.
What if I told you (and anyone who'll listen) that Jesus was talking to me through my computer? You know the drill, a suburban housewife claims to see Jesus in her toaster and the Mel Gibson crowd lines up outside her door for miles just to see it. Funny how it works, huh? America is blowing up babies in Iraq but Jesus chooses to appear in a kitchen appliance in Levittown. Talk about "mysterious ways."
That's when the fun begins. Once I achieve prophet status, I get myself interviewed by Larry King and "60 Minutes" and Oprah and I tell the world that Jesus is not exactly thrilled with landmines, depleted uranium, and daisy cutters. The IMF and WTO and World Bank and NAFTA? All the work of the devil. Stuff like strip malls and strip mining: positively satanic. In fact, capitalism was created in the depths of hell right alongside the U.S. military budget and Bill O'Reilly.
Imagine how famous I'd be. Maybe then, I'd finally write a book that sells.
So, whaddya think?
(Mickey Z. is can be found on the Web at http://www.mickeyz.net.)