A simple man’s view of where we are and how we got there
It was 1999, I was minding my own business and trying to get by and then in November the country cast their ballots for a president of this great country. We had to choose between a pretty smart Guy named Gore a smarter guy named Nader and this affable fellow but not too bright compassionate conservative named Bush.
Each side had their slogans don’t get Gored by Gore, don’t get bushwhacked by Bush and I can’t remember what that smarter guys side said. I did my duty and voted and I voted for Gore because he seemed like a decent fellow, pretty smart although I didn’t care for that lip lock he laid on Tippy at the convention. I’m just glad he didn’t grab her boob.
I lived in Florida at the time and still do as a matter of fact, but those ballots had a lot of swinging chads and so that not so smart but affable fellows brother, who was the governor had that lady who wore so much make up that I thought her face would crack if she gave any other expression than that phony smile they had painted on her face, declared the not so smart affable fellow president.
Well I was a little miffed because the country had done so well with that Rhodes Scholar chap who liked to do weird things with cigars and interns but I said what the hell, how bad could the not so smart affable fellow be anyhow.
So I’m going along with my life not really all that interested in politics. I thought we had the usual amount of pilfering of the treasury by those lawbreakers up in Washington but they had left enough to kind of go around.
I got kind of nervous in December though, you know the world was about to end because of that Y2K thing was going to destroy everything electronic in the world. I survived the Y2K fiasco so I thought everything was peachy. Well now we fast forward a little. Well then one day I woke up and turned the TV on and I see the world trade center on fire and come to find out a plane had run into it then kabloom another plane hits the other one.
I was upset because I had lived about 10 blocks north of those towers until 1986 when I had moved to Florida, I had even worked there on occasion and had some friends still there. Come to find out that a bunch of fellows from Saudi Arabia had done it on purpose. Now that not to bright affable fellow that was president had a bunch of friends from Saudi Arabia so I figure that they would sort it all out.
It turns out that these Saudi Arabia fellows had been told by the tallest guy in Afghanistan that if they took flying lessons and flew into those towers that they would go straight to heaven a get to have their way with 70 virgins. I thought that was kind of silly because God won’t let you do that.
I was real mad at that tall Saudi guy in Afghanistan and turns out that that smart Rhode Scholar president had known all along that that tall rascal was up to no good and even took a couple of shots at him but missed.
Being a smart chap and knowing he was retiring in a few months, he told the not so smart affable new president about that tall fellow in Afghanistan but he got the bums rush out of the White House and they all snickered and thought they knew how to handle it. Turns out that they gave those bad boys in Afghanistan a bunch of aid money before they flew into my friends buildings.
Now after that not so smart affable new president flew all his Saudi friends out of the country because everybody got pretty mad at those guys, he decided that he was going to go and kick some ass over there in Afghanistan.
A couple of weeks after the planes knocked down the tall buildings our not so smart but affable president says that we need to start a checking all those e-mails, phone calls, bank records, medical records, and we even need to start looking at who’s reading what at the public library and who’s buying them bad guy books at the Barnes and Noble store. He says that if he has got to go before a judge a get permission that those bad guys are going to gets again.
So all them lawbreakers up in the capital jump into step and say ok Mr. President save us from them bad guys. Hmmm I still am wondering how reading the letters I write to my mama is going to keep us safe? Besides a bunch of real smart and brave men wrote this thing called the constitution which protects us from some guy like that ole King George way back when to go doing anything he wants to do to the people he governs. You know it’s kind of funny that the president and that ole king got the same name though.
So everybody on the planet is on America’s side because they knew that all those poor folks working in them towers most of whom where just poor schmucks trying to get by on a paycheck. Even them fellows in Iran, who had made ole Jimmy Carter look dumb by making those embassy folks stay in Iran longer than they had planed, gave America permission to fly our bombers over their country so we could go get the tall fellow over in Afghanistan.
Everything went pretty good to begin with; we beat up them Taliban and al Qaedian fellows pretty good but we kind of lost track of that tall rascal in Afghanistan. Then all of a sudden something kind of weird starts to happen. That not so smart affable president starts getting real mad at that Saddam fellow and says if he don’t turn over the weapons of math instruction he was going to bomb the hell out of him.