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It Could Happen: Dubelya Sends a Message to Rob Kall, Editor of OpEdNews

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Dear Rob, 

This here is George Dubelya Bush, here.  You know, your president of these great United States?  Bush.  You remember, don’t ya? Yeah, yeah, I was just skatin’ on the internets here…hold on, hold on (What’s that?  Surf?  Surfin’?  Oh, yeah, surfin’.  Thanks, your excellenc…I mean, Dick.)

I was just surfin’ on these here internets and the first thing I saw was your home site, this OpEdNews place ya got here. And I’ll be damned if it ain’t just like a newspaper, only without the paper part.  It’s sort of an amazin’ idea to have a newspaper without the paper part, although I find it much harder to sit down in my recliner and hold it and read it like that.  That computer’s a heavy mother, ya know?  And then there’s that thing that it plugs into, that thing there on the floor that the computer plugs into?  I don’t know what it is, but when I unplug it, all the pictures go away from my computer so, instead of takin’ the computer, that thing on the ground, the typewriter part, the rat….hold on another minute, Rob (What?  Mouse?  There’s a mouse in here?  Well call the goddamned extrimater and have him come out and extrimate the little critter.  Can’t ya see I’m busy here surfin…the internets?  Oh, I’m sorry sir.  My temper sort of ran away with me.  Yes sir, I respect you, sir.  And all of the things you stand for, sir.  In the name of the…do we have to do that now, Mr. um, Dick?) 

Sorry, Rob.  You know how a Dick can be don’t ya.  Can’t live with ‘em can’t live with ‘em. Now, where was I?  Oh, yeah, a newspaper with no paper.  I wonder if my old pal Rupie knows about this?  Ya see, he still makes newspapers, but his got paper attached to it, Rob.  Maybe I’ll tell him to go in line and take a peek at your web home, here.  Did ya ever think of makin’ a mint?  Now, I don’t mean the candy, Rob.  I mean a lot of money.  If you can sell these newspapers without paper, you can make a mint and, sometimes, when people make a lot of money, we say they make a mint.  And they don’t really make the money, that’s up to the Federal Express, I mean Federal Reserve.  They make a mint.  Hey, they have a mint.  Ain’t that somethin’?  They have a mint and they make a mint.  It just shows to go ya.

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I seen a couple of troublin’ things on your newspaper without paper, Rob.   First, I saw some names that look awfully foreign to me.  Now, I got nothin’ against foreigners.  Some of my best foreigners are friends.  But some of the names seem like they rise out of the east, if ya know what I mean, Rob.

Now, I’m gonna have my boys down at the NSA sort of look ‘em up.  Nothin’ serious Rob.  Sorta like lookin’ a name up in the phone book, that’s all.  And we’ll use Pfizer’s court.  We always use Pfizer’s court when we look people up.  Well, except when it takes too long, then we want to use Pfizer’s court, but we can’t.  We always have the best detentions in mind, Rob. 

Some of the articles in your site place are real interestin’, Rob.
 

Like I read this article on singer prayer insurance.  Now, it’s quite plain that the person who wrote that hasn’t heard of my faith based programs.  I’m not sure about the singin’ part, but I think prayer is good for your health. 

If ya talk about this comminist society medicine, ya know that we can’t do.  

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First, God bless President Reagan for knockin’ down that comminist wall. And at his age.  That’s hard work, knockin’ down comminists walls. Shows that the man was in great shape for his age.  So, there’s no comminists anymore so we can’t do that, right? 

But there’s another reason why I won’t sign any bills supportin’ society medicine.  When corporations are free, they can be innovative.  Think the government can come up with good ideas like the co-pay and free resistin’ conditions?  
 

Really, do ya think the government can run the medicine business?  Look at what it did with Hurricane Katherina.  The government forgot what to do, didn’t it? 

Now, Brownie, he did a heck of a job and I told him that.  Ya gotta stroke your workers when you get ‘em alone, ya know?  But, come to find out, as good of a job as Brownie did, it wasn’t the right job.
 

Get it?  He did a heck of a job, but it was the wrong job.  Heck of a job, wrong job.  Get it? 

I see a lotta articles and opinions about the job I’m doin’ in Iraq.

I appreciate article called “American At War: Killing Crabbies in Iraq”.  They say that you liberls are basist, but I think your fare unbalanced.  That was a good article which brought out the good about my war on terrorists and why we’re there so they won’t have to fight us here. 

First, it’s good to hear how tired and run down the soldiers are.  Ya see, that means they’re doin’ a great job.  I mean, can you imagine if they were all rested and full of vinegar?  What would that tell the American people who support them?  I’m glad that article points out how tired the boys are…boys and girls…or women…boys and women.  It just shows that our boys and women are really getting’ it on over there in Iraq.
 

And I say good for that soldier that’s mad at Congress.  Congress is a jerk!  They wanna pull out, call it quits, cut n’ run, haul ass, beat feet, turn tail, feet don’t fail me now.  That’s what Congress is sayin’.  “Feet don’t fail me now”.  They’re cowards and unpatriotic and they don’t support our troops and… 

(What?  Challenge?  He’s challengin’ me?  Um, oh.  Thanks, sir.)
 

Well, Rob, seems the fine young soldier is challengin’ me to go to Iraq.  He musta missed the Thanksgivin’ trip.  Ya know, I served that plas…um, the turkey to those hungry young men…and girls…women…I served women to the hungry young men.  That boy musta missed that ‘cause nobody can’t say I’ve never been to Iraq.  I been there and I just might go again, who knows?  I don’t that’s for sure. 

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Well, Rob, ya know, bein’ president and all, I can get pretty busy at times.

There’s Social Security to get rid of, push that singer prayer insurance company, protect the country from another 9/11 ‘cause 9/11 was real bad done by bad people who are out to make us bad people so be careful and remember 9/11 ‘cause they could come here anytime.  That’s why we’re fightin’ up over there ‘cause they could come here again like they did on 9/11 when they did bad things and 9/11 can happen anytime.  It won’t, though, ‘cause we’re over there so they don’t have to fight us over here. 

So, Rob, you can see I’m busy makin’ sure those boys are…and girls are fightin’…women are fightin’  those boys over there so they don’t fight over here.

See ya Rob and God bless America. You’re doin’ a heck of a job Kallie.

Love,
President George Dubelya Bush  

 

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Michael Bonanno is an associate editor for OpEdNews.

He is also a published poet, essayist and musician who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Bonanno is a political progressive, not a Democratic Party apologist. He believes it's (more...)
 

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