term will be as successful as his Dad 's. There is only one way
to fix this mess. Dubya must turn to the dark side. And not Karl
Rove. I mean Reality Television.
Ashton Kutcher: That 's right, America. You have been Bush 'd.
You are so easy! You really believed we are fighting a war in
Iraq and even losing. C 'mon, we have been putting you on.
So. let me pull a Scooter Libby and out our secret agent.
Kicking off his "I Was Kidding " tour. Let 's welcome Dubya Bush.
nickname for you. Wasn 't supposed to say that. I take full
responsibility. Karl said I would blow up if I ever did that. Nope,
I 'm the same weight as ever.
Ashton: Why now? It isn 't even sweeps week, Dude.
Dubya: They took the block off my news channels, and someone
asked how many should die for a lie. And I thought, 200 is about
right. That was my SAT score.
Ashton: Uh, Dubya, it is more like 2000.
Dubya: Damn CIA, lying again. How many have to die before I
figure that out?
Ashton, Uh, 2000.
Dubya: You 're good. Want to run the Treasury?
Ashton: I 'm not moving to China. Dude, you are totally in debate
mode. Feel like answering my question? Why now?
Dubya: Sorry, I keep waiting for the voice in my head to give me
the answer. Sometimes the wires short out. Why do we do
anything? For money. I tried to pay off our debt the way I
always have, sell the company to one of Daddy 's friends. This
time, even the Saudis don 't want to buy us. I guess already
owning us is their latest excuse.
shocks me. But we are actually losing to Iraq. That is like
losing to the Washington Generals. So, as with the war on
drugs, it 's time to be honest. War 's over, we lost, let 's party.
Ashton: I thought you quit partying.
Dubya: Woo hoo, I punk 'd the punk. One thing y 'all should know
about me, I 'm no quitter. God put Lone Star Beer on this planet
for a reason. Besides making Laura look good.