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By Ken Swann  Posted by Rob Kall (about the submitter)     Permalink
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Good Morning Believers.

This is Jesus Christ in the morning on Rock 3:16. The station that raises the truth from the dead and brings the evildoers to their knees. I can 't say I have talent on loan from God - Rush would sue me. But I have talent taken while the big man was sleeping. Thank Dad for the day of rest.

I know a lot of you are saying, what the hell took you so long to come back? Let me put it to you in a way that even Democrats would understand. Things didn 't exactly go very smoothly my last time through. I was like a death row inmate in Illinois, without the DNA testing.

Don 't worry, I got all your emails and prayers, my hard drive even crashed I got so many emails from Alan Keyes. And to all you that doubted Keyes, he did have my Dad 's endorsement. Although Dad made a killing betting Satan on the outcome.

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Well enough of my babble, let 't talk to the rabble. The first caller is Marge from
St.Paul. Dad, am I sick of his letters. What 's the word, Marge? You are on with JC.

Marge: Hi Jesus, this is Marge and I 'm a first-time caller, long-time believer. My question is, how can you say you support Bush when the man lied about the reason to start a war? Isn 't lying against the Ten Commandments?

JC: Just what I needed, nitpicking first thing in the morning. Why did I ever roll away the stone? Yes, you are right, Marge. Lying is kinda frowned on in the Ten Commandments. But it 's not like it 's written in stone. Let me put it this way. It says, Thou Shalt Not Lie. The President is not a Thou, he is more of a They. And sometimes They need to lie to start a war. How many wars do you think we would have without lies? So your President is either a gifted liar or an idiot. Which would you prefer?

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Marge: I would have preferred not killing 100,000 people for a lie.

JC: C 'mon, It had to be done. Sure we are killing innocent people, but you don 't think
my Dad did it. He sent down a plague of locusts. OK, we have moved beyond locusts, and now it is a plague of megaton bombs. Same difference.

It was the perfect ruse. Bush told Saddam to get rid of the weapons. He did. So he sure the hell wasn 't expecting to be attacked. We saved a lot of lives with that lie. When Halliburton buys out the Vatican, you can expect a few footnotes for all the Commandments.

Look on the bright side. Just look how much damage he is doing in Iraq. Would you really want him to be doing anything domestically? Do you want to have all that poverty, death, and blown up oil wells in this country? The guy enjoys killing so let the baby have his bottle.

Next up we have Michael in St. Augustine. Hi Michael, how 's the Fountain of Youth?

Michael: How would I know? It 's now a frickin water park.

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JC: And next Thursday I will be walking on the Water Park. Be sure to get there early, tickets are going down faster than the prostitute of Babylon.

Michael: I just want to thank you for using my wife, Terry. According to Tom DeLay, my wife was laid in a bed for fifteen years so you Republicans could use her. And thanks to the culture of life you work with, I now have to hide out in St. Augustine to keep from being killed by your followers. Oh, damn, did I say, St. Augustine? I am really in Epcot Center.

JC: Actually, death may be better for you than Epcot. It could be a mercy killing.

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