Republicans Push New Tax Plan
Hugo Chavez Bails Out Poor
Hugo Chavez, the hero President of Venezuela and the leader of the democracy movement in South America saved poor people in the Bronx and Massachusetts from freezing to death in their homes by selling them cheap oil to stay warm with. The Bush Administration stated, "This is a distortion of the free market where some people get to freeze while others just fly to the Bahamas, and we think it sets a terrible precedent that will just make poor people want more. "
U.S. Attempts to Avoid Responsibility in Mass Murder
Syria and Iran Threatened by the U.S. and Israel
The U.S. upped its threats to Iranian and Syrian sovereignty today demanding a McDonalds on every corner, that the Washington Times and Fox take over their media and that they go back to burning camel dung for fuel in order to prove they were no threat to western oil and economic control. Israel offered to bomb Iranian energy sites "just for the hell of it ".
Corruption on Every Corner
It appears that the Republican Party will have so many congressman, senators, governors and other illegally elected and corrupt officials indicted that the rest of the congressional session will have to be canceled for lack of a quorum until new elections are held. Asked for a statement, jailed leaders Tom Delay and Bill Frist stated, "We don 't really understand the problem ". K-Street also issued a statement decrying the fact that the 2006 draft for new lobbyists would have to be postponed for at least two more years.
Megalomanics Cheney and Rove Plotting Overthrow of Government
The evil Machiavellian machinations of Vice President Dick Cheney and Chief of Staff Karl Rove have reached a new level. Threatened with being forced into resignation or indictment, the two have secretly hatched a plot to fake a terrorist act or turn loose a pandemic so they can declare martial law. Asked what he thought of this, President Bush choked on a pretzel and fell to the ground. Luckily Condolezza Rice was there to perform the Heimlich maneuver and then gave him mouth to mouth resuscitation which seemed to go on for an extraordinary length of time.
Yesterday when asked how many civilians were killed in Iraq, President Bush took a wild stab in the dark and guessed 30,000. When it was pointed out that independent sources had estimated Iraqi civilian deaths at approximately 120,000 he responded that he seemed to remember from 8th grade history that dark skinned people counted less. He also stated when asked about whether the color of people 's skin impacted his decision making about New Orleans, that he was insulted that anybody would imply that he was prejudiced.
Governor Schwarzenegger Refuses Act of Simple Decency