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How America can FINALLY win a war: Fight it in Utah?

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Message Jane Stillwater
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Well, the Peace Corps just rejected me because they say I've got bad knees. "Jane, you would be using squat toilets for two years. Be realistic!" And at my new part-time job, everyone there is younger than me by at least forty years. However, yesterday, on my break, I found a copy of the San Francisco Chronicle and started reading an article by Jon Carroll.

In his article, Carroll stated that because America's "leaders" do not understand the nature of modern -- or even stone-age -- warfare, they keep getting bogged down in these stupid high-tech wars that end up being quagmires. They just don't understand the most basic rule of warfare. "People have a unique attachment to the country of their birth, and they will fight for it beyond all reason."

Hummm.... THAT explains why America hasn't been winning any wars. They've been fighting them on foreign soil in places where we have no business being.

Carroll's solution to our government's military woes? Fight our wars here! Then we will be sure to win. "We can take to the hills, we can take to the subways. We'd draw our new leaders from two under-appreciated groups of Americans: serious hikers and homeless people."

Carroll also said that Mexican immigrants would make incredible resistance soldiers. "They know a lot about survival in hostile terrain." And 14-year-old boys would be invaluable. "They know the secret hidey-holes, the long-forgotten tunnels...." Corporate Americans, experts in deceit, would also be good. "Double agents? Hell, in today's corporate world we're all double agents, one way or another." America would finally have a war we could win. "Imagine how great that would be for morale."

My morale is in the basement since Bush and them started losing all of those wars. My morale sucks eggs. I mean, how many more photographs of bulging-full morgues and dead babies can I take? It is SO pathetic -- that I associate America's current "government" with images of violent and extremely painful death. When you think of John Kennedy, you think of the symphony. When you think of George Bush, you think of Beirut, Haditha and Abu Ghraib. And the NSA.

Does it have to come to this? Do we have to have a WAR in America to finally understand what motivates people to fight for their lives like the poor schmucks in the Middle East do -- despite all technological odds -- and still win? Does Utah have to be invaded before incompetents like Rumsfeld, Bush and Cheney can actually cough up an American victory? That's sick.

PS: Someone just e-mailed me, "But what if Bush, Cheney, and Rummy were in charge of the resistance? I think we'd even lose a war in Utah if Bush & company are still in charge."

Jon Carroll's article:
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Stillwater is a freelance writer who hates injustice and corruption in any form but especially injustice and corruption paid for by American taxpayers. She has recently published a book entitled, "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket: Helpful Tips For Touring (more...)
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